Swine Flu Frenzy

There's been a lot on my mind lately, and it's probably been on yours too. If you haven't heard about Swine flu at this point, well maybe your stuck under a pig somewhere. As a mom, this pandemic takes on a whole new layer, when you are not only looking out for yourself, but your little ones too. For me, I have been expending a lot of effort not only trying to avoid the Swine flu, but also debating whether or not to get Jon Jon vaccinated.

My first instincts were not to vaccinate Jon Jon, citing all the usual possible vaccine cons... it is too new, it hasn't been properly tested, and there are too many possible side effects. I hadn't planned on giving him the seasonal flu shot either. With Jon Jon home with me, I felt that his risks of exposure were low, and didn't warrant vaccination. I also saw first hand one of the possible flu shot side effects when my Grandmother was hit by Guillain-Barre syndrome, after receiving a flu shot. This sickness attacks the nervous system and paralyses a person - most make a full recovery, but it takes time and lots of physical therapy. Even though it is a one-in-a-million risk, when you see it in front of you, it leaves an impression, to say the least.

But as summer turned to fall, and there were more cases of Swine flu reported, and the media coining it a "young person's sickness", I started to get nervous. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I should sign up to get Jon Jon vaccinated. I asked family members their opinions. I asked mommy friends theirs. Hell, I even asked our plumber his opinion! And everyone had something different to say, and all were valid points. I heard more than once, "I don't think you can make a wrong decision, you just have to do what you're comfortable with." Well, what if I'm not comfortable with any of it?

I have spent lots of time reading internet articles on the topic, and had multiple discussions with my husband, and close family members. I was kind of surprised that no one was giving me a clear answer as to what to do. And certainly the one who it affected the most, wasn't giving me any answers.... little Jon Jon completely oblivious to the hours of debate revolving around his well being. I kind of just wanted someone to tell me what to do, make the decision for me. But I guess this is the part of being a parent that makes people say, "being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have."

As the nightly news got progressively worse, and Facebook status's everywhere were building into a Swine flu vaccination frenzy, I made a call to my pediatrician. What I not so quickly learned, as I was put on hold multiple times, was that there was a waiting list for the H1N1 vaccine and we would be number 113. Well, if nothing else, it gives us some more time to get comfortable with our decision.

Once more I have been shown how being a parent is "hard", in ways that I hadn't fully expected. Yes, I obviously knew I would ultimately be responsible for many medical decisions involving my son. I started doing this the day I found out I was pregnant. But until you're there, you don't really get it. This innocent and loving child is fully dependent on me to make major decisions for him - and here I am forced to make decisions without feeling 100% confident in my actions. What a scary place to be. Talking it over with my own mother, who clearly has a lot more experience than me, reminded me that there would be a million difficult decisions to make in Jon Jon's future... like when to allow him to sleep over a friends house, or let him take the car alone for the first time. Hmm. This is going to be hard.

So I guess the moral of my story is, there are hard decisions to be made when it comes to parenting. But if you are struggling with a parenting decision, I applaud you. Because ultimately it means that you love your child, and isn't that what it's all about.

Things I Thought I'd Never Do

Things I thought I'd never do until I had a baby:

1. Find it completely acceptable to not take off slippers for 2 days.

2. Have serious discussions with spouse about the importance of Desitin.

3. Read an article entitled "Baby Poop photos: What's normal, What's not" with actual interest.

4. Be able to completely block out a crying baby while driving in traffic.

5. Be so happy when my child goes to bed, and then miss him an hour later.

6. Spend so much money on clothes for someone other than myself.

7. Be seriously dependent on my DVR.

8. Think "soccer mom" isn't such a bad title.

9. Ask for help without feeling guilty.

10. Know that size 3 diapers from BJ's are 16 cents per diaper.

11. Be so happy to have a date night, that even braking down on the side of the road is still fun.

12. Almost 9 months later, still have some baby weight to loose.

13. Feel like I won the lottery because I made Jon Jon belly laugh.

14. Understand the need to not let your baby sleep in the car so that they can nap in their crib, and do all sorts of crazy things to keep them awake.

15. Sort of miss 3am bottle feedings.

16. Say cliche things like, "They grow up so fast" and "I now understand how my mother feels about me" and actually mean them.

17. Have a serious dislike for all things Winnie the Pooh.

18. Some days think my husband is the lucky one because he gets to go to work.

19. Go to a playdate with 10 other pairs of mommies and kiddos and actually have a great time.

20. Still check to make sure Jon Jon is breathing everytime I walk by his room when he's sleeping.

21. Within the span of a minute, think my child is brilliantly gifted, and then worry that he'll never learn to talk.

22. Like folding teeny tiny clothes.

23. Wonder what the hell is in those diapers that makes them do what they do.

24. Cut a grape into 16 pieces.

25. Love someone else so much it can make you cry.

What the Cool Kids Are Wearing

Being a mom has really opened up a whole new world to me - of shopping! Who knew it was so exciting to buy 4" inseam jeans and moose covered jammies!  Even buying new sippy cups has a certain thrill to it.  Here's a few of my past, present, and future favorite shopping adventures.

A few months ago a friend introduced me to Etsy.com, a fabulous website for artisans and collectors of super cool stuff to sell their wares.  Aside from having tons of fun just looking at the crazy things you can buy on this site, like leather children's lederhosen (because who doesn't need a pair of those), you can also get great kids clothes.  I just ordered these super cute Robeez-esque shoes embroidered with Jon Jon's name on it.  Same price as Robeez, but you choose your color combo and style, and get to put your little tike's name on them.

On the subject of shoes, I just found this fabulous footwear through Daily Candy Kids.  Stonz Wear makes the most fabulous looking boots for kids I've ever seen.  A little pricey at $47, but when you see them, you just might bust out your Amex anyway.  The good news, is because the sizing is pretty loose, you could get away with one size for the whole winter, which may make you feel a little less guilty about buying them.  Or you could so what I'm doing, and adding this to Grandma's Christmas list.

One website that is no stranger to moms everywhere is One Step Ahead.  They have affordable, practical and just plain cool stuff to makes moms and kids lives easier and more fun.  My latest favorite from this website is this sleeping "blanket" with legs! Now that Jon Jon is Mr rolly

 polly in the crib, I knew there was no way he could be put into sleeping bags this winter.  But I am terrified of the blanket-SIDS  possibilities so these little gems are the perfect solution.  Plus he feels super cuddly when you hold his while wearing this baby version of the Snuggie.

Another soon-to-be-mom friend introduced to me the fabulous shopping excitement of  bTrendie.  This super cool site has a never ending rotation of designer brand sales that last only a couple days, and have rock bottom prices; in other words, you snooze you loose.  This week on bTrendie they will be having a sale on urban chic strollers from Quinny and Maxi-Cosi car seats, both at 40% off prices.  They say these events are invite-only, but this really only means you need to sign up with your email address to create and account.

On the same idea of an invite-only website is Hautelook.  This discount shopping site not only has designer children's clothes, but items for mom, dad and the home as well.  This week on Hautelook you can score some swag from Right Bank Babies, and Siwy jeans.  So go get your shop on! And best of all, all this cool stuff can be purchased while in the comfort of your slippers, and on your couch during baby's nap time.  Enjoy!

Jon Jon's Memoirs

Jon Jon is shockingly already 8 months old now. Which is still clearly, very young. But I feel like I need to start his memoirs now, before I start to forget too much. I haven't kept a baby book. I haven't made a scrap book. I don't even have a photo album put together yet. If it wasn't for Facebook, I would probably never get around to getting his pictures off my camera! I didn't write down the day of his first smile, or his first laugh. Or the time he first rolled over. I am a bad momma.

But I remember all the events, and I was there for them - so that must count for something. Right? The first weeks are a little fuzzy. It was surreal, to say the least. Going throug childbirth - however they end up getting out - is a crazy experience. And then the day they send you home, you kind of feel like, is there going to be a test? They really trust us to take this living being home with us? What if we screw up? I was a nervous wreck driving home, and of course had to sit in the backseat with Jon Jon. I kept watching that thingy on the side of the carseat that shows if it is level - if you see the orange line, that's bad. Well I made Jon stop twice and check the carseat because I kept seeing the orange line roll in and out of view. Then I finally realized it was doing this every time we went up or down a hill and this was completely normal. And I'm pretty sure I only breathed as I saw Jon Jon's chest rise and fall, which thankfully he did the whole way home.

The day we took Jon Jon home, was also the day that President Obama was inaugurated. So while most everyone else in America was watching the proceedings on television, and marveling over what an amazing step this was in US history, we were marveling over our own amazing step into parenthood. It was certainly a day of change, that I will never forget.

Being cooped up in the house with a newborn in January was pretty much as everyone said it would be. We didn't get much sleep. Taking a shower moved very low on the priority list. We didn't really leave the house - hell, we barely left the bedroom. But in the middle of winter, what else is there really to do? So as a family, we hunkered down inside, in the warmth and enjoyed the cozy feeling you get when there is 2 feet of snow outside, and you know you don't have to step foot in it. We listened to a lot of Jack Johnson, Jon Mayer, and anything else that came over Pandora.com, nice and mellow and easy. There were tears of joy and tears of frustration and tears of exhaustion. But we made it through to Spring, and now I look back on those first weeks and wish I could go back, just for a day or 2. I miss my little newborn already. He doesn't have that newborn smell anymore. And I worked so hard to help him to happily sleep in his crib, that now he won't fall asleep in my arms anymore.

He feels so independent - you know, for a baby that still needs you for everything. He only wants to feed himself. He gets mad if I try and spoon fed him purees. "I'm so past that mom!" He can sit and happily amuse himself with his toys for a good stretch of time. He loves to just play in his crib. I swear sometimes he pretends to be tired just so he can go in there and have some alone time. And when he is in his walker - you can watch him making decisions. Like how to get from the living room to the kitchen. And making a 180 turn if he gets cornered.

What happened to my little blob?? He is not even one yet, and I am already missing "baby" Jon Jon. I guess this is when women start saying they are ready for another. (Not us, don't worry.) He has come so far in only 8 months. He now has those belly laughs, that make you belly laugh, that make him belly laugh, and so on, and so on. He smiles with recognition as he sees Daddy pull up the driveway coming home from work. And he is starting to show those toddler tendencies where he doesn't want to sit still in your lap at all, he constantly wants to be on the move. They grow up so fast. It's a cliche, but it's dead on.

But I am excited for all those great things to come in the next few months. The first time he crawls, or walks, or says Momma or Dada. Today we had a first that really broke my heart: he cried tears for the first time. It was so cute and sweet, I almost wanted to grab my camera. But as with many other milestones it went undocumented, other than in my memory (well, and now in this blog). And that's ok. I feel like these days people are so obsessed with getting

everything in their life on camera, in video, and on paper that perhaps they are not fully living it. They are so busy getting it documented that they miss being in the moment.

8 Months has certainly gone by fast, and it has been a bigger adjustment than I ever though possible. And how crazy that I can hardly remember a life before Jon Jon. It's like the world didn't start spinning until he came along. And what a great ride it has been.

Thou Shalt Not Judge

Well, I've definitely been on a summer blog vacation. Imagine my shock when I thought I wrote my last entry only a couple weeks ago.... but it's been a month! Time flies when you are hibernating inside with your AC unit. My plan had been to write 2 entries a week. I guess 2 a month should perhaps be my new goal. Once again my son has taught me a lesson in being flexible.

For generations upon generations, parents have always said that your children are the ones that teach you life lessons, and not just the other way around. I never got this before. Nor did I spend too much energy wondering about it. But recently, I have been thinking about this a lot. Being a parent has most certainly taught me a lot about unconditional love, patience and selflessness. To be a halfway decent parent, you need to learn these oh-so-important character traits and embrace them. But what I didn't see coming, was what I would learn about being judgmental.

I never considered myself to be a particularly judgmental person. I never really gave it much thought actually. But being a parent suddenly made me think about this concept. Moms will always tell other moms when discussing parenting decisions: whatever works for you and your family. Translation: no judgment from me if you need to put your baby in a swing and blast country music just to get 6 hours of straight sleep! Because who are we to judge what is happening in your house, and what your families needs are. But I think as a mom, we often do feel like maybe we are being judged for the choices we make. Breastfeeding vs. formula. Cloth diapers vs. disposable. And when we feel like we in the presence of other moms who may behave differently than us, we feel the need to explain ourselves - so that they don't judge us and our choices. It can be down right exhausting.

Being in a mommy group - while amazing for the support it can bring - can also bring out the judge in all of us. We watch our friends and what they are doing with their children, and we ask ourselves - would we do the same thing? Is this something I would never consider? Is this something maybe I should consider? Do I think this person is downright crazy?? And do they think the same thing about me?? I feel fortunate for being in a group of ladies who openly discuss different parenting choices without being judgmental. Or at least I don't feel a big cloud of judgment hanging over us. I am sure there have been moments of unspoken opinions - but again, who are we to say what works for one family?? If no one is getting hurt, can it be all that bad?

Like I said, I never considered how judgment of others played any role in my life. Until I had a child. But now what I grapple with is this: does having an opinion about how someone else parents the same as judging them? And do we even have a right to have an opinion about anything outside of our family group? Is it just because we are insecure about our own parenting skills that we feel the need to even care about what others are doing? When a breastfeeding mom asks a formula mom why she didn't breastfeed - is she attacking that mom? Is she sitting in judgement of her choice?

Sometimes these seemingly benign questions make us feel so defensive, because really we are judging ourselves. When someone asks me if my child is crawling yet - and even though I know at 7 months old, this would be pretty advanced - I sometimes feel defensive. Like maybe if I had spent more energy on doing tummy time, he would be crawling already. And are they making a snap judgment on me as a parent because of my child's ability to crawl or not. I fail to realize that the person asking me has a 1o month old who is not yet crawling, and maybe they are just asking because they are fearing that their child is developmentally behind, and if my kid is already crawling that would just be the worst news ever. You can see how the mind of a mom can sometimes spin out of control.

So to all the Moms... take it easy on other moms. They are trying their best. Don't judge a person who has a backpack/leash on their child. Maybe their child wandered away once and it was the scariest 30 minutes of their life that they have vowed never to go through again. As parents, we will always question ourselves and whether or not we are doing all we can for our kids. But don't judge yourself to harshly. The fact alone that you do ask yourself this question, means you are doing a great job.

Mommies Are Dangerously Fun

About 8 years ago I had a I'm-in-between-jobs stint in bartending. It was exactly the lighthearted, fast money, kind of job I needed to drag me from the doldrums of management. I was working at a new and trendy martini bar - the kind that college kids would never go to because there were no pitchers or darts in sight. It was for the "discerning, upscale crowd" - or so their ads said. And I often would serve women in their 30's and 40's who seemed like they were having too good of a time. Acting crazy, drinking too much, and dancing like fools. And I'll be the first to admit - they annoyed the crap out of me! Geez - go home and go to bed! I hope I'm not doing that in 10 years! I always made the assumption that these women were single - probably divorcees. Why else would they be out partying at a bar on a Saturday night? Married women would never behave this way - especially not mothers. But oh how wrong I was!

After I was married, I spent most of my weekends snuggled up on the sofa with my hubby. But when I did venture out on the town, I felt a shift in my bar behavior. Suddenly I wasn't there to scope out the opposite sex. I was there purely for my own enjoyment - to throw some heels on, spend time with girlfriends, and have a few cocktails. And I also didn't really care what I did and what people thought of me. Who was I trying to impress? I could dance like a fool, talk to strangers without any ulterior motives, and even throw in a little karaoke from time to time.

Then after I had Jon Jon, I started hanging out with a local mommy group, and we began organizing Mommy's Night Out. Boy - you want to see some silly women out at a bar! After being cooped up in the house all day, I don't even care if the other people at the bar have all their teeth! I want to get out! I want to wash my hair, wear some lip gloss, have a glass of wine, and have some laughs. And wow, do we laugh. There is still a lot of "baby talk", as it is our common bond. But then there are stories of our past, discussions of current events (OMG - John and Kate are getting divorced!!), and somehow it always ends in a little karaoke. Because tomorrow is another day filled with dirty diapers, missed naps, thrown food, and possibly a husband who wants you to cook dinner at the end of it all. So for tonight, we will let loose and enjoy a few hours where no one needs anything from us other than friendship.

It makes me think back to those women at the martini bar who I thought were so crazy and annoying. Maybe they were just moms trying to relive their youth and enjoy their escape from mommy hood for one night. I hope they had fun and that their martinis were yummy, because I get it now. So when the Real Housewives of Windham County, as we like to call ourselves, are out on the town, we may act a little silly and be a little loud. But try not to judge us. Know that we are better mothers for having the chance to blow off some steam. And if you're feeling so inclined - buy us a drink! Cheers!

Daddies Do It Different, and That's Ok

It has recently occurred to me that who ever decided on the title for the show "Father Knows Best" was most certainly a man, and probably a single, childless one. Because I am pretty sure there are very few women who would utter these words seriously. In fact, I actually doubt the majority of fathers would agree with this statement either. But it was the 50's, and I am also sure at the time, the only women working at NBC were working the phones.

Let me just say up front, this is in no way intended to be any sort of feminist, male bashing post. I love my husband with all my heart, and think he's a wonderful father. But he is not a Mother. And in my humble opinion, it is often Mothers who know best. But how does she know best? And does she really? Is it because she has superior parenting intelligence? Because her Mother's intuition is so finely tuned? Maybe a little - but not entirely.

I am a SAHM (a.k.a. Stay at Home Mom, a.k.a. Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker, according to Dooce writer Heather Armstrong), so my entire day revolves around my little Jon Jon. I am constantly thinking about him and how to make the most of his next precious day. What time should his next nap be? When did he last eat? We really need to do more of that Tummy Time - which we both find supremely tedious. Is he hitting his milestones on time? The list goes on and on. And then when I go to bed at night, I spend half of my bedside reading devoted to parenting books. I love it. It's now my full time job, and I take it very seriously. So I do sort of think I know best. Especially when I spend day in and day out with Jon Jon, and Big Jon only gets to spend time with him on evenings and weekends, I really shouldn't be surprised when he looks to me for guidance on how to best parent Jon Jon. Or he just does things on his own, and they are sometimes different, and that's OK too.

I didn't used to think this was OK. I would snap at Big Jon for the way he handled Jon Jon, or the parenting choices he would make. Probably a lot of my snippyness came from simple sleep deprivation. But I think part of me would think - I have worked so hard to come up with the way I parent, and I feel like it's working, so why does he have to do things his own way? Why can't he just do them my way?? But this is scary thinking. And I'd like to say that I caught myself in this thought process, and immediately scolded myself. Well, I didn't.

But then a funny thing happened. Big Jon taught me a trick or two. In a mad effort to loose the baby weight, I have been spending more free time at the gym. And after a recent ab-kicking workout, came home to find Jon Jon swinging in his swing in the middle of the kitchen, with Poison blaring out of the speakers. Big Jon was smiling away as I walked in and told me that Jon Jon liked it when you sing heavy metal to him. He does?? Really? And Big Jon started dancing around the kitchen singing along to his hair band favorites and Little Jon was smiling away. Then last week Big Jon said, "I have a new song for Jon Jon!!" And he started singing "The Ants Go Marching". Not the Dave Mathews version - the "one by one" version. But not only was he singing it by making up his own lyrics, which was adorable , but he was singing it in his best Count Dracula impression. Priceless. And Jon Jon was loving every minute of it! Then this past weekend, upon returning from the gym, little Jon was napping and Big Jon was widdling away in his workshop. "How was your morning", I asked. "Great! We watched a movie together," big Jon replied. Come again? Not only did they watch a movie together, but it was Predator 2. Not really Disney approved. But he was so happy that he got to spend the morning snuggled up on the couch with his little buddy, how could I deny him this happiness? Even if I've read 28 studies on how TV is bad for a child's development. Isn't the power of tactile closeness also an important part of development?

So maybe he doesn't hold him the same way I do when he feeds a bottle. And maybe he sometimes leaves Jon Jon in his PJs all day, because they "haven't been spit or peed on, so why should we change him?" But he loves his son with all his heart, and would do anything for that little man. And once again, being a parent has taught me a life lesson, and challenged my view in a way that is oh so important. Everyone needs a reminder once in awhile to continue to be humble and open minded, because sometimes Daddies do it different and that's OK.

These are a few of my favorite things....

Babies come with a lot of stuff. As a pregnant new mom, walking into a Babies 'R' Us store is enough to make you hyperventilate and send you into early labor. What the heck is a Boppy? Why are there 30 different kinds of bottles? Do I really need a Diaper Genie? Filling out your baby registry can be a scary experience and by the time you are done you have no idea how you ended up with no less than 40 bibs, 58 onsies, and 10 sets of sheets. Having a baby can certainly be an exercise in excess. But it doesn't have to be. I was really adamant about not letting my home turn into babyland - and have somewhat succeeded. But this only comes from being super picky and not buying everything in sight before the baby comes (very hard to do). Because what you think you need pre-baby, may change drastically post-baby. This is also where having other new mom friends or joining a mom group while you are still pregnant, comes in super handy. Ask lots of advice on what their favorite items were and what were a total waste of money.

These are a few of my most useful and favorite baby products thus far... (in no particular order - because that would tax my mommy brain way too much!)

1. A baby swing. This was not an item I bought before Jon Jon was born. But a Mommy friend of mine offered up hers as a loaner and I was an immediate convert. So much so that I now have two. One upstairs and one downstairs - which is also a travel swing that folds up and can go to grandma's house without too much effort. These are a great place for newborns to nap, a safe place to hold your baby when you can not, and a place they can lounge and play with small toys once their dexterity kicks in.

2. Activity center. If you've been reading my blog already, you know what a fan I am of my Baby Einstein Activity Center. From the time I finally put it together - it is by far his favorite toy! And again, it is a great place to put your baby while you are trying to get a few things done. Granted this is a rather large item and I was skeptical about having it in the middle of my living room. But it is so useful and Jon Jon loves it so much, that it now has a permanent spot. I love the fact that this one has a seat that swivels around, so he can feel he is somewhat control his destiny - and it has a lot of different level toys, that as he becomes more coordinated he can find new things to do.

3. Tivo. Ok - this is not a baby item. But if you have a baby, and you enjoy watching TV, you MUST have Tivo. Never again (unless the baby is sleeping, and sometimes not even then) will you be able to watch your favorite show, uninterrupted, from start to finish. But when you Tivo, you can make better use of your time - no commercials to sit through - and you can be sure that when you do finally have some time to collapse on the couch, you are not stuck watching whatever happens to be on. You can watch American Idol, even if it happens to be 5a.m.

4. Cheap bottles. I registered for Born Free bottles. But when I opened the box, and saw that each bottle had about 5 pieces that needed to be taken apart and put back together every time you filled or washed them, I said "Oh, no. No way." Next time I was at Walmart I bought simple, no fuss, no mess Gerber bottles, and have never looked back. Now, I do realize that some bottles may make certain babies more gassy than others, and Moms may find that these complicated bottle systems are the only way to go. But why not try the simple ones first? Maybe you'll never need anything else. They are also a lot lighter to carry around, and for baby to try and hold. Also, if you leave one somewhere you won't feel so bad about it being out ten bucks.

5. My Bugaboo stroller. I can't say enough great things about this stroller. This is an investment item for sure, and if you can get a few people to go in on one for a gift, even better. But this stroller will most likely be the only stroller you need to buy, saving you money, hassle, and garage space in the long run. From infancy, if you buy the car seat adapter and corresponding car seat, you can take baby from car and into the store or for a walk with a quick snap on the frame. We also used the bassinet portion of this stroller for the first month of Jon Jon's life. We kept it in our bedroom and wheeled him around to the side of bed to who ever was in charge of the next feeding. The seat also pops on and off very easily - so you could really use to double as an infant seat - easily plopping it on the floor or on a table. I could go on and on about this stroller.... not to mention that they look cool and come in all sorts of fun colors!

6. Portable Ipod speakers. When we started our night time routine with Jon Jon at about 6 weeks old, it included listening to a Bach for Babies CD. Then we placed small Ipod/nano speaker dock in his room and it is always cued up to Bach - press one button and you're all set. But this has also been invaluable for traveling. We have done a lot of mini vacations since Jon Jon was born, and this speaker has come everywhere with us. And no matter where he is, in a pack 'n' play or crib, at Grandma's or Nana's, as soon as he hears his favorite Bach tune, he knows its sleepy time. Our player also runs on batteries if needed, and I have used this for long car trips, to give him something familiar to listen to when he starts to get fussy.

Since Jon Jon is on the eve of his 6 month birthday, we'll stop at 6 favorites. I am sure there will still be mistaken purchases in the years to come. But in the current economy, getting the biggest bang for you baby gear buck has never been more important. So bring on the advice! What are your favorite baby items? Looking ahead to months 6-12, what do you think will help us make it through relatively stress free?? Because isn't that really the point of all this stuf?!

From Maine and Back

So we made it back from Maine in one piece... well, almost. After 3 blissful days of fun in the sun, lobsters and cocktails galore, and more croquet than any one person should ever play - Jon Jon got sick for the first time. It started with a runny nose on Sunday that I attributed to the possible start of teething. But after a sleepless night, Jon Jon did another first - he projectile vomited all over me. Then began 2 hours of straight, sad, whimper type crying - the kind that would break any parents heart - until he finally fell asleep.

Under normal circumstances the hypochondriac mother in me would have freaked out - simply because this was Jon Jon's first illness. But being on a remote island where the closest hospital is a helicopter ride away, my mind got away with me. What if he passes out? What if he continues to vomit? What if he has some crazy stomach virus? What if he caught West Nile from the massive amounts of Maine mosquitoes?? Let me tell you, I never felt more helpless in my life. I have heard other mothers say this cliche abut having a sick child - but cliches do start for a reason. To have your child look at you with those sad questioning eyes, as if to say "What is happening mommy? Why do I feel so horrible? Can't you make it stop?" It's enough to make yourself feel sick. So I did what any panicking mother would do - I called my mother-in-law.

Ok, well maybe this wouldn't be every mother's first call, but it was mine. My MIL used be a pediatric nurse - so to say she has some experience with babies, is an understatement. She also has a way of not getting over excited about anything - like I always do. When I called and explained what was going on she simply said, "Aww, baby's got his first cold." Right... a cold. That's all. But I still did not like the fact that we were so very far from home. So we packed ourselves up and caught the next ferry off the island, cutting our vacation a day short.

On the ferry, Jon Jon gave me a few weak smiles, but once he had another bottle his spirits started to perk up. He was still sniffly, and had a runny nose - but I think the shock of it had worn off for him, and like a trooper he flashed me the peace sign to tell me it would all be ok. So crisis averted - we made it home in one piece. But it has not inspired me to want to take any vacations any time soon. Funny how sometimes we work so hard to plan a get-away, especially when you have a child and just want a small escape from the everyday grind. But then there are those moments when you find yourself wishing you could tap your heels, and Dorothy style - be home in a heartbeat. This was one of those times. We had a great time while there, but when you have a sick child, there certainly is No Place Like Home.

Momma's Ark

OK - so I've definitely been feeling pretty unmotivated lately, and haven't updated in awhile. Or perhaps it's because I've been busy building an ark because of all the freakin' rain we've been having! I can not remember the last time it rained so much. I haven't taken Jon Jon for a walk in his stroller in 2 weeks. And rain boots have become a permanent fashion accessory. The only upside is that I have not had to water my gardens since Memorial Day.

It leads me to question, if I did have to build an ark, what would I put in it? And I'm not talking about packing it with pairs to keep the animal kingdom in balance. What are the necessities for my families survival? Well this question is not too far off from reality. Next week Big Jon, Little Jon and I are heading north for 5 days. Childhood friends of Jon have a home on the island of North Haven, Maine. We are super excited to spend some quality time with good people, good food, good drink, and we hope - good weather! But to get there we need to travel a solid 5 hours by car, and then another hour and half by ferry - all with a 5 month old strapped into his car seat. If you are a mom, you can imagine that I have been having nightmares about making this trip and even more so, packing for it, for weeks.

Normally when you travel, and you get that nagging suspicion that you've forgotten something, you say "Well, there are stores. If I forget something, I'll just buy it." But this will not be the case on North Haven. There is one store (I think) and I'm pretty sure they won't have my child's specific Evenflow bottle nipples, or the bath lotion without which he cannot sleep. So everyday I have been making a mental list of all the things I must not forget (yes - writing it down would make more sense - but mommy brain prevents me from being sensible). And then there are my worries of how will I keep my baby happy and amused when not in his own surroundings. Ideally I want to throw the Baby Einstein activity center in the back of the car - but that's crazy, right? Nobody else coming has a child and will most likely look at us like those crazy parents who have to drag all this paraphernalia with them wherever they go. But all I want to do is make sure Jon Jon is happy and not crying and miserable the whole time, and thus making everyone else miserable.

Now if we actually had an ark, I could fit everything I needed in it! Fabulous - no worries. But alas we do not have an ark. What we do have is my mother-in-law's Lexus SUV - the largest car of any family member that we could borrow - and hopefully that will do the trick. We plan to pack it to the brim with essentials for the whole family, clothes, food, cocktails, board games, croquet mallets and possibly, if we can fit it, Baby Einstein himself. A refreshing change will be the lack of un-essentials... cable TV, Wi Fi, cell phone signals, computers, etc. What we will enjoy is the view of the ocean, the smell of steaks on the grill, eagles soaring by, the taste of fresh lobsters and the clink of a wine glass or two. I think I can live with that for a few days, even if we do have to have the tunes of Old MacDonald in the background.

Ramos, Inc.

I am a mom. I am a Stay-At-Home-Mom. I am a homemaker. I run a household and parent a child. I am CFO, CEO, and President of Ramos, Inc!

I'll be the first to admit. I thought being a SAHM (stay at home mom) would be a snap. Take care of the baby. Do some laundry, cook some dinner, and keep the house tidy. I've run a business with 25 employees, hell I've even owned my own business. How hard can being a "housewife" be? Truthfully, it's the hardest job I've ever had.

SAHMers vs Working Moms has been an ongoing mommy point of contention ever since June Cleaver threw in her dish cloth. "It's anti-family to work!" or "It's anti-feminist to stay home!" And there's no right answer to this parenting dilemma. It's a matter of personal choice, of what serves you and your family best. But I do believe that some people who have never tried to be a SAHM - especially men - still think we moms sit around watching soaps all day. I can tell you, at least in my case, I have no time for soaps.

My husband Jon works a lot of hours and has a long commute, so when he walks out the door, he's gone. There's no stopping in to say hi, or running to the grocery store on his lunch break. There are days when the dog and Jon Jon are my only conversation pals. But these are the choices we made to allow us to have one parent at home and one working. See now, there even I said it. I'm not "working". But you know - I am working. I am working very hard and I hate saying "I'm not working." or "I'm doing the mom thing." "I'm staying home." I got up this morning at 5:30 just so I cold enjoy my morning tea on my "work break".

When you are a SAHM, you are always ON. There's no putting the baby down and then popping out for lunch, or doing a little shopping. You're on call all day. And then somehow in that day you try and do laundry, clean the house, pay the bills, water the gardens, balance the checkbook (yeah, right), cook some dinner, go to the store, the post office, everywhere with baby in tow. And if you're lucky, you'll find 10 minutes to sit outside in the sun and enjoy your new copy of Vogue - which so doesn't apply to you anymore, as you are still in your bathrobe at 2pm. I never imagined how challenging it would be. And there are days when I want to hide from it all. But what I hate most, is that it makes me feel like a cliche - of that housewife who is exhausted and ragged by the end of the day.

But most days I completely love it, and feel lucky that I get to do it. I get to see Jon Jon through every emotion that crosses his little face. I get to laugh with him, and make funny faces and let him help me cook, as I put the Bumbo on the kitchen counter. I get to take him for walks. I get to watch him taste green beans for the first time. I'm there for it all, and I don't have to worry about leaving him with anyone else to do all those things for him. Have we had to make changes in our life to live on one salary? Yes. And they are the best changes we've ever made.

I wish there was a different way to say, stay-at-home-mom. When people now ask me what I do, saying "I'm a mom" always makes me feel like I need to explain what I was doing before, and what kind of careers I've had in the past. And maybe that's my own hang-up about stepping away from a traditional career path. But I really don't think that people give SAHMs the credit they deserve. I know that before I had Jon Jon, I certainly didn't. One day when Jon Jon was about 6 weeks old, and big Jon watched him for a whole day, while I took a day to myself, he said to me, "This is hard! I don't know how you get anything done around here!" And you know what I said? "Thank you." And then I think I cried a little, being the hormonal post-partum mess that I was. But that was the best compliment I ever received. And it made me ready, once again, to face a day at Ramos, Inc. with a smile. :)

Stop and Smell the Poppies

Ok - so It's been 8 days since my last blog. But who's counting. Apparently this blogging thing is a little more time consuming than I thought. Or maybe it's just everything else in my life that's time consuming.... ummmm, like a baby! Everyone tells you that a baby is "work". But kind of like that saying about knowing when you've found the partner of your dreams, "You'll just know." You don't really know how much work it's going to be, until you're there. It's work, not sweaty work, or brain surgery work. Anyone can change a diaper, feed a bottle, do some laundry, clean the house, pay the bills, water the gardens, go grocery shopping, make dinner - well I could just go on and on. But can you do it all in one day?? I consider myself to be moderately intelligent and still these simple tasks can sometimes drive me to drink - wine, and more wine. And occasionally a vacation...Last weekend we spent with my parents, my Mother-In-Law, her husband and my Aunt and Uncle. It was a fabulous weekend! Jon Jon came with us, but he spent more time with everyone else than his own parents. But that was the point - for them to see him and for big Jon and I to have a break. But what I saw , that I have noticed in the past but didn't pick up on, was that Jon Jon really learns a lot from spending time with people other than me! Especially other Moms. Jon Jon is my first baby, and we live a bit of an isolated life (not counting FaceBook) - usually it's just the 2 of us out here in rural CT. Not that this is bad thing, I quite enjoy it. But we get into our routines as any parent child team does. But when Jon Jon spends time with grandparents, family and friends, they don't know what routines Jon Jon and I have, so they do what they enjoyed doing with their babies. And without a doubt, Jon Jon loves it, and picks up a new skill or a new way to play.

Last weekend his Great Aunt showd him what tree bark felt like, and what it was like to swing in a hammock. His Grandma taught him to do rasberries back and forth, and blow bubbles on command. And his Nana helped him try to clap for the first time, and touched a piece of bacon to his lips and oooo did he love it! All of these things that I wouldn't have thought to do yet! Do I feel like a bad mom? No. But it reminds me to try new things, and help him to try new skills. And even though there may be a pile of laundry waiting to be folded; there's also poppies blooming in the garden that Jon Jon has never seen before, and books we have yet to read together. So I've vowed that everyday we will do one thing we haven't done before - try a new toy, eat a new food, take a different route on our walk... As he discovers the world around him, so do I and that's coolest new skill I have learned in a long time.

My Life Revolves Around Poop

So the past few days I have been on patrol - poop patrol, that is. Who knew that the bowl movements of a baby would take up some many places in my life... disgust, worry, relief, inspection, wipe quality, diaper quality... the list goes on. For the first month of Jon Jon's life, he was on breast milk - which if you don't know, produces a LOT of poop. Like 8 poops a day. I can remember it being 3am and Big Jon would have just changed Little Jon's diaper and carefully placed him back in his bassinet, and then we would hear it - bbbllpptt - a nice big poop in his nice clean diaper - and we would lay there and laugh. You have to laugh really, other wise you'd go insane. And then the cycle would start again.

Then we switched Jon Jon to formula and the "production line" was scaled back to a very manageable once a day. Consistently stinky, and mustardy, and I thought we had everything under control. Then we had to switch Jon Jon into the next diaper size - and apparently I had bought the twice bigger size, because the poop was no longer being contained! It was going up the back, out the legs and everywhere it shouldn't be. I even had to break out the scissors and cut him out of a couple onsies as to not have to drag his big beautiful head through it! I went and purchsed the correct size diapers, and once more, we were under control.

This past week we started Jon Jon on solids - in the form of rice cereal. He was thrilled. Happily opening up his perfect little mouth and slurping up the cereal with great delight in his new experience. We fed him cereal once a day, each time his spoon skills improving greatly and more cereal making its way in his mouth and not just on his bib. And then I noticed... Where did the poop go?? When was the last time he went? 3 days ago!! So apparently, cereal has a "binding" effect and his system was having a little trouble adjusting. I called the DR to ask for advice - just keep going is what he said, Jon Jon will adjust. My Mom Group friends gave lots of great advice - prune juice, oatmeal, vegetables.

So I went to the store to pick up some juice and oatmeal, like a good mom concerned about my little guys production back-up. And wouldn't you know, as soon as we got home - bbbllpptt!!! Well I was so happy and relieved over Jon Jon's relief, I emailed Big Jon, then emailed my Mom Group - who all said "Yay for Poop" (this is why you need a Mommy group - who else will yay for poop? ) I am pretty sure Jon Jon smiled too as he was doing it :)

I never knew how important poop would be... but really when you think about it, it's one of the biggest ways babies can communicate their digestive situation: no mom, I did not like the pureed prunes, or too much rice cereal makes me grumpy. He can't go to the medicine cabinet to pop some Tums. He relies on me to "read" his poop. Kind of like that gypsy lady reads tea leaves, Moms read poop. So, Yay for moms and their babies' poop all over the world! May your days be diaper filled!

Everyone Loves a Man in Uniform!

Just in time for Memorial Day, and thanks to a generous Grandma, Jon Jon has a new collection of sailor outfits. I am pretty sure it just does not get any cuter than this! My heart melts every time I look at him. But these kinds of vintage inspired clothes are hard to find. They certainly don't sell them at Old Navy. My mother has made it her personal quest to dress this little guy in as many sailor outfits and "Jon Jons" (yes, this the official name of a certain style of shortalls) as possible. An unexpected perk of these old school outfits too, is that some of them sort look like dresses. And to a girly-girl, Mom of a boy, I'll take what I can get.

As I confessed in my last post, Ebay is a great place to find baby clothes, and many of Jon Jon's super cute duds have come from here. A couple other sites that specialize in hard to find, heirloom type pieces are BestDressedChild and Grammie's Attic. They have more sailor suits than there are sailors and adorable dresses for girls too. But of course, being the fashionista that I am (or try to be) I have been searching long and hard for the perfect shoes to go with these outfits. Not easy! If anyone knows of a great place to by some white, soft leather booties, let me know!

So happy Memorial Day everyone! Get on your uniform and celebrate in style!

Ebay is a Mom's Best Friend

I am a total Ebay addict! I love it! The bargains, the thrill of the auction and the "presents" that come in the mail thereafter. All in all, a great experience. But as a Mom it's an amazing place to get all the gear you need for you new life with baby. Soon after I got pregnant I starting Ebay stalking Bugaboo strollers - the Mercedes Benz of strollers. Big Jon was horrified when I told him that the limited edition Denim Bugaboo Cameleon I wanted went for a cool $1000! But with some perseverance I found one on Ebay, barely used, for $580! Almost half price! And the great news, is that these strollers are so popular, and hold up so well, that I will probably be able to turn around in sell it to another Mom in a few years when we are done with it.


I've also bought a shamefully large amount of baby clothes on Ebay. New or used, it makes no difference to me - after all, at the rate babies grow out of clothes, you know the used items have not been worn that many times. Cute boys clothes are especially hard to find, and the baby stores at the mall just don't always cut it. But on Ebay you can find great, boutique only brands from all over the country. You can save searches for certain brands you like, and you'll get notified when those items get listed - thus saving you lots of precious searching time. Buying Robeez has been a recent favorite pastime of mine. These fun and colorful leather crib shoes sell for $28 new, but I only paid $12 for my favorite "Mom Tattoo" shoes!


Aside from getting a great deal, I love the idea of "recycling" Mom money. Most of the baby items for sale are coming directly from other moms, who are trying to earn money to buy new gear for their kids. And I have done the same thing. I have sold already outgrown items on Ebay and then used that same money to buy new items for Jon Jon. It helps me out, and it helps other Moms out. And in this economy, who couldn't use a little help? But possible the best thing about Ebay, is that you don't have to take a shower, pack up the baby, find a parking space, fight the crowds and pray that your baby doesn't start screaming, in order to go shopping. You can do it during nap time, while in your bathrobe and slippers, sipping a cup of tea, on the comfort of your sofa. So thanks Ebay for giving Moms a place to exchange their fabulous finds! Now if you'll excuse me, I have some shopping to do - while still in my slippers of course!

Cilantro Makes It All Better

I know this is supposed to be a blog about parenting - but parents gotta eat too! So I want to share two of my new favorite recipes: Grilled Pork Chops with Garlic Lime Sauce and Black Bean and Tomato Quinoa. Both of which are super easy, include common ingredients and will supply you with some yummy lunch leftovers.

I LOVE cilantro - it smells like summer to me and tastes oh so fresh. I would eat cilantro ice cream if someone made it. And I've been super intrigued about making some quinoa recipes - so this one is perfection. If you haven't heard of quinoa (pronounced keen-wah) it is similar to a grain, and cooked like a grain - but is actually a seed and is high in protein, calcium and iron. In other words - a super healthy alternative to plain old white rice! This quinoa recipe can be made ahead of time and tastes great at room temperature. And the sauce for the pork recipe also works great over grilled tuna steaks - which is what Jon and I did this time around and is pictured.

Black-Bean and Tomato Quinoa

From Gourmet | July 2007

Yield: Makes 4 (side dish) servings Active Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 45 minutes 2 teaspoons grated lime zest 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled 1 tablespoon vegetable oil 1 teaspoon sugar 1 cup quinoa 1 (14- to 15-ounce) can black beans, rinsed and drained 2 medium tomatoes, diced 4 scallions, chopped 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro Whisk together lime zest and juice, butter, oil, sugar, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4teaspoon pepper in a large bowl. Cook quinoa according to package instructions. Add quinoa to dressing and toss until dressing is absorbed, then stir in remaining ingredients and salt and pepper to taste. Per serving: 382 calories, 12 g fat (4 g saturated), 15 mg cholesterol, 446 mg sodium, 55 g carbohydrate, 10 g fiber, 14 g protein

Grilled Pork Chops with Garlic Lime Sauce

Yield: Makes 4 servings
Active Time: 15 minutes
Total Time: 30 minutes

1/4 cup fresh lime juice
1 garlic clove, minced
1/4 teaspoon dried hot red-pepper flakes
1/3 cup olive oil
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
6 (1/2-inch-thick) boneless pork chops

Whisk together lime juice, garlic, red-pepper flakes, and 1/4 teaspoon salt, then add oil in a slow stream, whisking well. Whisk in cilantro.

Prepare a gas grill for direct-heat cooking over medium-high heat. Pat pork dry and season with salt and pepper. Oil grill rack, then grill pork chops, covered, turning over once, until just cooked through, 5 to 6 minutes total. Serve drizzled with some vinaigrette, and with remainder on the side.

Cooks' note:
If you aren't able to grill outdoors, chops can be cooked in a hot lightly oiled large (2-burner) ridged grill pan over moderately high heat.

Per serving: 236 calories, 16 g fat (3 g saturated), 1 g carbs, 0 g fiber, 22 g protein, 40 mg sodium, 65 mg cholesterol

And if you're in the mood for a summery fresh and bikini-friendly cocktail - my new favorite is Miller 64 Calorie beer. Stick a lime in it and it tastes just like a Corona - but at 1/2 the calories! Bon Appetit and Cheers!!

Give a Mom a break.

I had always heard new Moms say how hard it is to get out of the house once you have a baby. But I never had any idea just how hard it was until I became a mom. First you have to time it with naps, then you have to pack the diaper bag - formula, diapers, extra cloths, bottles, water, etc. - get the baby strapped into the car seat, remember your items - phone, wallet, keys, sunglasses, etc. - and if you're lucky you'll be out the door about 20 minutes after you intended to.

Sometimes I wondered if leaving the house was worth the hassle. A simple trip to the grocery store was exhausting. But life still has to go on. There are trips to the post office, the bank, Babies R Us, and the occasional Mommy trip to TJMaxx. Usually Jon Jon would fall asleep in the car and I would try my best to get him out of the car and into the store without waking him. I would give dirty looks to those around me who talked to loud, making his little eyes peek open. Couldn't they see how desperate I was?? With my little baby, and my unwashed hair, and mismatched outfit. All I wanted was to wander around a store like I had all the time in the world, that is until he woke up.

And he would always manage to wake up right when I was in line to check out. When I had spent half an hour in consumerism bliss, and there was no way I was going to leave without those precious few items. And then he would start to cry, and here I am wedged in between other shoppers with no escape in sight. "Aw, he's hungry." "Oh - he must be tired," they would say. No! He's not hungry, and he's not tired, I would want to retaliate, as if this was a personal attack on me and my mothering skills, when all they were trying to do was make conversation. But that's no help to a Mom who has been cooped up in a house with no one but the dog to talk to.

Next time you are out shopping and you see a Mom struggling with her little one, open the door for her! Let her go in front of you in line! Offer to help her get her groceries in the car. This is a woman who just wants to get through her to-do list for the day without any melt downs - her and her baby. So see if you can help her out just a little. If you are a Mom you should remember what those days were like. And if you're not a Mom, you have one, and she too probably battled the triathlon of dry cleaner, bank, and supermarket in a single day. So for her sake, give a Mom a break. She'll be forever grateful and think to herself, "I hope my baby is as nice as that stranger when they grow up." And isn't that the best compliment you could receive?