Daddies Do It Different, and That's Ok

It has recently occurred to me that who ever decided on the title for the show "Father Knows Best" was most certainly a man, and probably a single, childless one. Because I am pretty sure there are very few women who would utter these words seriously. In fact, I actually doubt the majority of fathers would agree with this statement either. But it was the 50's, and I am also sure at the time, the only women working at NBC were working the phones.

Let me just say up front, this is in no way intended to be any sort of feminist, male bashing post. I love my husband with all my heart, and think he's a wonderful father. But he is not a Mother. And in my humble opinion, it is often Mothers who know best. But how does she know best? And does she really? Is it because she has superior parenting intelligence? Because her Mother's intuition is so finely tuned? Maybe a little - but not entirely.

I am a SAHM (a.k.a. Stay at Home Mom, a.k.a. Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker, according to Dooce writer Heather Armstrong), so my entire day revolves around my little Jon Jon. I am constantly thinking about him and how to make the most of his next precious day. What time should his next nap be? When did he last eat? We really need to do more of that Tummy Time - which we both find supremely tedious. Is he hitting his milestones on time? The list goes on and on. And then when I go to bed at night, I spend half of my bedside reading devoted to parenting books. I love it. It's now my full time job, and I take it very seriously. So I do sort of think I know best. Especially when I spend day in and day out with Jon Jon, and Big Jon only gets to spend time with him on evenings and weekends, I really shouldn't be surprised when he looks to me for guidance on how to best parent Jon Jon. Or he just does things on his own, and they are sometimes different, and that's OK too.

I didn't used to think this was OK. I would snap at Big Jon for the way he handled Jon Jon, or the parenting choices he would make. Probably a lot of my snippyness came from simple sleep deprivation. But I think part of me would think - I have worked so hard to come up with the way I parent, and I feel like it's working, so why does he have to do things his own way? Why can't he just do them my way?? But this is scary thinking. And I'd like to say that I caught myself in this thought process, and immediately scolded myself. Well, I didn't.

But then a funny thing happened. Big Jon taught me a trick or two. In a mad effort to loose the baby weight, I have been spending more free time at the gym. And after a recent ab-kicking workout, came home to find Jon Jon swinging in his swing in the middle of the kitchen, with Poison blaring out of the speakers. Big Jon was smiling away as I walked in and told me that Jon Jon liked it when you sing heavy metal to him. He does?? Really? And Big Jon started dancing around the kitchen singing along to his hair band favorites and Little Jon was smiling away. Then last week Big Jon said, "I have a new song for Jon Jon!!" And he started singing "The Ants Go Marching". Not the Dave Mathews version - the "one by one" version. But not only was he singing it by making up his own lyrics, which was adorable , but he was singing it in his best Count Dracula impression. Priceless. And Jon Jon was loving every minute of it! Then this past weekend, upon returning from the gym, little Jon was napping and Big Jon was widdling away in his workshop. "How was your morning", I asked. "Great! We watched a movie together," big Jon replied. Come again? Not only did they watch a movie together, but it was Predator 2. Not really Disney approved. But he was so happy that he got to spend the morning snuggled up on the couch with his little buddy, how could I deny him this happiness? Even if I've read 28 studies on how TV is bad for a child's development. Isn't the power of tactile closeness also an important part of development?

So maybe he doesn't hold him the same way I do when he feeds a bottle. And maybe he sometimes leaves Jon Jon in his PJs all day, because they "haven't been spit or peed on, so why should we change him?" But he loves his son with all his heart, and would do anything for that little man. And once again, being a parent has taught me a life lesson, and challenged my view in a way that is oh so important. Everyone needs a reminder once in awhile to continue to be humble and open minded, because sometimes Daddies do it different and that's OK.