My One and Only

There are inevitable moments in life.  As soon as you finish your trek down the aisle, people will ask, "When are you going to have a baby?!"  And as soon as you finally have one, they ask, "When are you going to have another??!"  Geez!! I just popped one out for you as soon as I could! Can I have a break please to do a few sit-ups and let my boobs deflate?

But what if your answer to this second question is, "Never." Well, that's me.

When Jon and I got married we had already had the "what kind of family do we want" talk.  (I highly recommend doing this before you recite your vows, just makes for a smoother marriage.)  We were surprisingly on the same page, we both only wanted one child.  I am an only child.  So only having one child myself, does not seem strange to me.  I had a very happy childhood. Love my parents, always have, and loved growing up in our tight knit family.  I have asked my mother on many an occasion why they chose to only have one child.  Her response has unwaveringly been, "We wanted a blond, blue-eyed girl named Hillary; and there you were.  Our family was complete."  Can't really argue with that.

Sure I grew up hearing all the only child stereotypes: spoiled, self-centered, and bossy.  I don't believe I grew up spoiled in a materialistic way, but I do believe I was spoiled in love and attention.  I was the only child of very doting parents.  Oh the tragedy! I never really yearned for siblings, I was used to the status quo.  I believe being an only child gave me self-confidence, and showed me how to be self-reliant.  It really irks me when I tell people I am an only child and they immediately give me a pitying look and say how sad I must have been growing up.  Why?! I had no one to fight with, and had all my parents love and attention for myself.  Poor, poor me.  The other reaction I often get it, wow - you're so normal! I had a very funny conversation with someone recently where we joked that I was a "highly functioning" only child.

Now I fully admit that when hanging out with other parents of young, only-children, I will ask, "Are planning on having more?"  And when their answers are that they are not sure, I will often offer up the info that I myself am an only child.  This always brings a new excitement to the conversation.  They seem to see me in a new light, sizing me up for normalcy, and character flaws.  They will ask about my childhood and my views on my lack of siblings.  I sort of become this spokesperson for only children. I'd like to think I can put them at ease a little, and make it OK for them to chose to have a small family and be happy with it.

As to why I only want one child?   Well, there are many reasons... I enjoyed it myself, so why not?  I don't ever want to be pregnant again, or do that annoying thing called labor.  (Moms of large families everywhere are at this point calling me selfish for sure!)  I want to be able to give everything I can, emotionally, and financially to my one and only.   I want to be able to do things that I feel might logistically be impossible with a large family.  But above all... it just feels right.  As much as many people feel passionate about their wants for a large family, I feel passionate about my wants for my small one.

I think it's unfortunate that people who choose to have one child are often chastised.  I have also heard it said that having only one child does not qualify you as a parent, because you never have to deal with, "Mine!!!" or "Stop touching me!!!!"  Um, isn't that a perk? I still feel like a full fledged parent, maybe even one who hangs on to a little more of her sanity.  If you are an only child or are thinking of only having one child, but don't enjoy the stigma, here's some info for your arsenal: guess who else was an only child?? Robin Williams, Rudy Giuliani, Leonardo da Vinci, Elvis Presley, Mahatma Gandhi, Barbra Streisand, John Lennon, Robert De Niro, Frank Sinatra... the list goes on and on.  Now, that's a group I don't mind being a part of.