Balancing Act

So I've been a super busy mom lately. Of course if you're a mom and not busy, you're probably doing it wrong (or incredibly right).  I went away the past 2 weekends for some fun and R&R of two totally different kinds.  First I flew down to D.C. for my sister-in-law's bachelorette party; 3 fun filled nights of pure girl time.  We ate, we drank, we shopped, we spa'd, we lounged around watching movies... did I mention we drank? ... we did everything that I no longer do much of being a stay-at-home-mom living in rural Connecticut.

It was a great group of girls, of which only a few were moms.  And I realized that it had been awhile since I spent much time with women who were not also mothers.  My mom group is great, don't get me wrong, and we definitely get out for much needed drinks or dinner on a regular occasion.  But the conversation does often turn to the subject of our kids.  But when you are hanging out with a group of women that the majority do not have kids, the conversation never really turns to children.  It's probably a good thing I didn't  think about this before we went, I would have been nervous that I would have nothing to add to the conversation.  But miraculously I managed to have thoughts and opinions that didn't revolve around my 14 month old son.

Being a mom, especially a stay-at-home-mom, and really especially a mom who blogs about being a mom, can make you feel like you have no other parts of yourself that don't involve being a mom.  But there were so many other great topics of conversation! By the end of the weekend, our most memorable  conversations  revolved around SNL skits, my SIL's neighbor named Putter Johnson, and the Twilight series - not the most intellectual of topics, but wow did we laugh.

Then this past weekend, big Jon, little Jon and I went to visit his Mom and Step-father at their house in New Hampshire.  We always have a great time when visiting NH, and this weekend was no different.  Food, drink and fun are always flowing, and we have nothing we need to worry about other than relaxing and enjoying the company.  I loved being able to spend so much time with my little Jon Jon without all the other responsibilities of every day life.  No one expected me to cook, or clean, and do anything other than hang out.  And so I did.  I got to play blocks, and cars, and practice walking and practice climbing stairs with my little man.  I gave him my undivided attention.  It was such a treat to be able to focus just on being a mom and nothing else.  Quite a difference from my previous weekend.

Having these 2 mini-vacations so close together, reminded me of how important it is to find balance as a mom.  Do I want to spend every weekend getting dressed up and heading out on all night martini-fests? No.  But I also don't want to spend every waking moment thinking about nothing other than my son.  I guess the key is how to find balance in your everyday life.  Mom's are always giving of themselves to their family, taking time for yourself so often goes on the back burner.  Obviously this is not a new concept to anyone - there's probably an article in every Parenting magazine on finding balance in your life.  But lately I've been really getting it.  Am I finding balance on an everyday basis? No.  But I'm aiming for it, and I think it's great goal for any mom to have.

My One and Only

There are inevitable moments in life.  As soon as you finish your trek down the aisle, people will ask, "When are you going to have a baby?!"  And as soon as you finally have one, they ask, "When are you going to have another??!"  Geez!! I just popped one out for you as soon as I could! Can I have a break please to do a few sit-ups and let my boobs deflate?

But what if your answer to this second question is, "Never." Well, that's me.

When Jon and I got married we had already had the "what kind of family do we want" talk.  (I highly recommend doing this before you recite your vows, just makes for a smoother marriage.)  We were surprisingly on the same page, we both only wanted one child.  I am an only child.  So only having one child myself, does not seem strange to me.  I had a very happy childhood. Love my parents, always have, and loved growing up in our tight knit family.  I have asked my mother on many an occasion why they chose to only have one child.  Her response has unwaveringly been, "We wanted a blond, blue-eyed girl named Hillary; and there you were.  Our family was complete."  Can't really argue with that.

Sure I grew up hearing all the only child stereotypes: spoiled, self-centered, and bossy.  I don't believe I grew up spoiled in a materialistic way, but I do believe I was spoiled in love and attention.  I was the only child of very doting parents.  Oh the tragedy! I never really yearned for siblings, I was used to the status quo.  I believe being an only child gave me self-confidence, and showed me how to be self-reliant.  It really irks me when I tell people I am an only child and they immediately give me a pitying look and say how sad I must have been growing up.  Why?! I had no one to fight with, and had all my parents love and attention for myself.  Poor, poor me.  The other reaction I often get it, wow - you're so normal! I had a very funny conversation with someone recently where we joked that I was a "highly functioning" only child.

Now I fully admit that when hanging out with other parents of young, only-children, I will ask, "Are planning on having more?"  And when their answers are that they are not sure, I will often offer up the info that I myself am an only child.  This always brings a new excitement to the conversation.  They seem to see me in a new light, sizing me up for normalcy, and character flaws.  They will ask about my childhood and my views on my lack of siblings.  I sort of become this spokesperson for only children. I'd like to think I can put them at ease a little, and make it OK for them to chose to have a small family and be happy with it.

As to why I only want one child?   Well, there are many reasons... I enjoyed it myself, so why not?  I don't ever want to be pregnant again, or do that annoying thing called labor.  (Moms of large families everywhere are at this point calling me selfish for sure!)  I want to be able to give everything I can, emotionally, and financially to my one and only.   I want to be able to do things that I feel might logistically be impossible with a large family.  But above all... it just feels right.  As much as many people feel passionate about their wants for a large family, I feel passionate about my wants for my small one.

I think it's unfortunate that people who choose to have one child are often chastised.  I have also heard it said that having only one child does not qualify you as a parent, because you never have to deal with, "Mine!!!" or "Stop touching me!!!!"  Um, isn't that a perk? I still feel like a full fledged parent, maybe even one who hangs on to a little more of her sanity.  If you are an only child or are thinking of only having one child, but don't enjoy the stigma, here's some info for your arsenal: guess who else was an only child?? Robin Williams, Rudy Giuliani, Leonardo da Vinci, Elvis Presley, Mahatma Gandhi, Barbra Streisand, John Lennon, Robert De Niro, Frank Sinatra... the list goes on and on.  Now, that's a group I don't mind being a part of.