Mommy Miracles

There are certain events in Motherhood that make you believe miracles can happen.

1. You, your child, and your house are all clean on the same day.

2. You leave the house on time.

3. While reading What to Expect books, your child has a skill that falls in to the "may even be able to" category.

4. You actually find a play group where the other mothers don't annoy the crap out of you.

5. Your child plays quietly by themselves for 30 straight minutes.

6. You complete the Mommy Triathlon of grocery store, bank, and post office in the same day, without crying.

7. Your husband gets all the poopy diapers in your weekend diaper rotation.

8.  Your babysitter is available when you call her at 5pm on a desperate Saturday night.

9. The pediatricians office is running on time.

10. Your child eats something green.

11. Silence.

12. The baby weight is gone.

13. Your birth plan goes off without a hitch. (um, yeah right)

14. Your baby latches on like a pro.

15. Girl's Night Out.

16. Spontaneous sex.

17. Triple Paste is buy one get one free.

18. You say, "Hey look at that new tooth! I had no idea it was coming!"

19. While out for the day, your child's diaper leaks and you actually have an emergency outfit, and that outfit is not 2 sizes too small.

20. Nap time.

The beauty of motherhood though, is that even if none of these events ever happen, you still believe in miracles every time you look at your little angel.

The Mommy Club

Knock, knock! Who's there? A Mom.  Oh! Well why didn't you say so? Come in! Show me pictures of your kid, tell me about your baby weight, spill your guts about your breast feeding catastrophes and your labor pains.  Tell me about your lack of sex life, how you haven't showered in 3 days, and pretended to have a stomach ache but instead sat on your bathroom floor, reading UsWeekly and eating Doritos.  Welcome to the club!

Before I had my son, I knew there was a difference between moms and non-moms.  Kind of like Bridget Jones describing "singletons" vs. "smug marrieds", they just don't speak the same language.  But before I became a mom, I didn't fully know what that meant.  To be a fly on the wall, in a rooms full or moms, would truthfully probably only be interesting to other moms, but wow would you hear full disclosure! I don't know what it is, but moms really love to spill their guts to each other.  It's like all boundaries fall away.  Yesterday I had a facial.  (This fact alone is probably worth its' own blog - so amazing.)  But as the aesthetician and I began chatting, within 15 minutes I knew the ages and names of all her kids, how her husband had just had a vasectomy, and how she needed and operation to fix her bladder control issues.  And believe me, she just as quickly learned plenty about me too.  It made me wonder, if I was not a mom, what would this lady and I be talking about?

I have long marveled about men's abilities to bond over the topic of sports.  You put a bunch of guys who don't know each other in a room who seemingly have nothing in common, but sooner than later the conversation will turn to sports, and the men quickly seem like old pals.  I always said that women didn't have a topic that could be such a common denominator.  But boy, was I wrong.  I just didn't know about it yet!

So after my confessional/facial yesterday, it got me wondering why are women are so quick to tell all?  Is it because we all want to swap "war" stories of the labor room? Is it because our children are so all consuming that we have nothing else to talk about? Or maybe it's because after you have a child, it's almost as if your body has been "repurposed" and nothing is left sacred.   As the parent of a one year old, and especially as a stay-at-home mom, Jon Jon has pretty much taken over my life.  So if you want to talk about my current events, you're going to get an earful about sleep training, food throwing, and teething.  That's just the way it is.  Sure, I can talk about other stuff.  But if you want to hear passion in my voice, it's just gonna have to be about child raising.

Mom's just get other moms.  You know what they're going through.  It also reminds me of how it is said that once people have been through a traumatic experience together, they are bonded for life.  Being a parent can definitely be traumatic at times! So, maybe that's where the mommy bonding comes from.  All I know, is that I'm glad to be a part of the club and I'll gladly tell my 20-hour-labor story to anyone who wants to listen.... and then I will gladly listen to yours. 

Mommy Arsenal

In order to survive life as a busy mom, and still look halfway decent, you need to have some quality swag in your arsenal.  Here are some  of my favorites...

Dry Shampoo  A shower can sometimes be hard to come by, especially as a new mom, and I was no different from any other mom in this fact.  I am also not blessed with the type of hair that can do a few days in between shampoos, looking better each day.  Even if I've managed to get in the hsower, my hair looks flat and greasy by the end of the day.  I had heard rumors about the existence of dry shampoo in the past. Then I really heard about it during a brief viewing of I'm a Celebrity Get me Out of Here when Heidi Montag freaked out because another cast member had stolen her dry shampoo, leaving her an oily mess.  Then over a recent glass of wine, a friend told me that she uses it.  So off to Sephora I went to try it out.  The result - fabulous! My brand of choice, Oscar Blondi .  It actually works great at taking away any greasiness and keeps you looking impossibly fresh for another 12 hours.

Totally Tubular  I don't tend to wear a lot of make-up on a daily basis - but I am not one of those wash and go people.  I still have a minimum number of products that have to grace my face to leave the house, loose powder, blush and mascara.  My latest obsession is Trish McEvoy's lash curling mascara.  All of Trish McEvoy's mascaras utilize new tubes technology - which if you've never heard of it means - it DOES NOT SMUDGE.  This stuff doesn't budge until you decide to remove it with warm water - it doesn't even require soap! When you do take it off, you give your lashes a gentle tug and the mascara pulls off in these weird little tubes that kind of look like tiny black whiskers.  But if you are feeling tired or lazy and don't bother to wash your face before you go to bed, you won't wake up with raccoon eyes, or stained sheets.  You just wake up with mascara still on your lashes! If you don't feel like shelling out $28, L'Oreal also makes a tube mascara that works very nicely and will only cost you about $11.

Vaseline I have a serious love of Vaseline .  I use it for everything! I love it so much in fact that last year for Christmas my mother-in-law gave my a jar of Vaseline the size of a cereal box.  I keep it in my car, in the bathroom, and by my bed.  You can rub it into your heels and cuticles, and glob it on your lips before you go to sleep.  I'll even put it on instead of my under eye cream in a pinch.  I have even heard makeup artists say putting a little on your cheekbones or on your eyelids can give you a lovely glow.  

Your Kid If all else fails, and you're having a bad everything day, dress your kid extra cute and use them as a shield.  I know that if I put Jon Jon in a Gap ad worthy outfit, no one is probably going to notice me anyway.  And if someone unexpectedly grabs a camera, throw on some big sunglasses, a little Vaseline on your lips, and hold your child in front of you.  Picture perfect!