Mommies Are Dangerously Fun

About 8 years ago I had a I'm-in-between-jobs stint in bartending. It was exactly the lighthearted, fast money, kind of job I needed to drag me from the doldrums of management. I was working at a new and trendy martini bar - the kind that college kids would never go to because there were no pitchers or darts in sight. It was for the "discerning, upscale crowd" - or so their ads said. And I often would serve women in their 30's and 40's who seemed like they were having too good of a time. Acting crazy, drinking too much, and dancing like fools. And I'll be the first to admit - they annoyed the crap out of me! Geez - go home and go to bed! I hope I'm not doing that in 10 years! I always made the assumption that these women were single - probably divorcees. Why else would they be out partying at a bar on a Saturday night? Married women would never behave this way - especially not mothers. But oh how wrong I was!

After I was married, I spent most of my weekends snuggled up on the sofa with my hubby. But when I did venture out on the town, I felt a shift in my bar behavior. Suddenly I wasn't there to scope out the opposite sex. I was there purely for my own enjoyment - to throw some heels on, spend time with girlfriends, and have a few cocktails. And I also didn't really care what I did and what people thought of me. Who was I trying to impress? I could dance like a fool, talk to strangers without any ulterior motives, and even throw in a little karaoke from time to time.

Then after I had Jon Jon, I started hanging out with a local mommy group, and we began organizing Mommy's Night Out. Boy - you want to see some silly women out at a bar! After being cooped up in the house all day, I don't even care if the other people at the bar have all their teeth! I want to get out! I want to wash my hair, wear some lip gloss, have a glass of wine, and have some laughs. And wow, do we laugh. There is still a lot of "baby talk", as it is our common bond. But then there are stories of our past, discussions of current events (OMG - John and Kate are getting divorced!!), and somehow it always ends in a little karaoke. Because tomorrow is another day filled with dirty diapers, missed naps, thrown food, and possibly a husband who wants you to cook dinner at the end of it all. So for tonight, we will let loose and enjoy a few hours where no one needs anything from us other than friendship.

It makes me think back to those women at the martini bar who I thought were so crazy and annoying. Maybe they were just moms trying to relive their youth and enjoy their escape from mommy hood for one night. I hope they had fun and that their martinis were yummy, because I get it now. So when the Real Housewives of Windham County, as we like to call ourselves, are out on the town, we may act a little silly and be a little loud. But try not to judge us. Know that we are better mothers for having the chance to blow off some steam. And if you're feeling so inclined - buy us a drink! Cheers!

Daddies Do It Different, and That's Ok

It has recently occurred to me that who ever decided on the title for the show "Father Knows Best" was most certainly a man, and probably a single, childless one. Because I am pretty sure there are very few women who would utter these words seriously. In fact, I actually doubt the majority of fathers would agree with this statement either. But it was the 50's, and I am also sure at the time, the only women working at NBC were working the phones.

Let me just say up front, this is in no way intended to be any sort of feminist, male bashing post. I love my husband with all my heart, and think he's a wonderful father. But he is not a Mother. And in my humble opinion, it is often Mothers who know best. But how does she know best? And does she really? Is it because she has superior parenting intelligence? Because her Mother's intuition is so finely tuned? Maybe a little - but not entirely.

I am a SAHM (a.k.a. Stay at Home Mom, a.k.a. Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker, according to Dooce writer Heather Armstrong), so my entire day revolves around my little Jon Jon. I am constantly thinking about him and how to make the most of his next precious day. What time should his next nap be? When did he last eat? We really need to do more of that Tummy Time - which we both find supremely tedious. Is he hitting his milestones on time? The list goes on and on. And then when I go to bed at night, I spend half of my bedside reading devoted to parenting books. I love it. It's now my full time job, and I take it very seriously. So I do sort of think I know best. Especially when I spend day in and day out with Jon Jon, and Big Jon only gets to spend time with him on evenings and weekends, I really shouldn't be surprised when he looks to me for guidance on how to best parent Jon Jon. Or he just does things on his own, and they are sometimes different, and that's OK too.

I didn't used to think this was OK. I would snap at Big Jon for the way he handled Jon Jon, or the parenting choices he would make. Probably a lot of my snippyness came from simple sleep deprivation. But I think part of me would think - I have worked so hard to come up with the way I parent, and I feel like it's working, so why does he have to do things his own way? Why can't he just do them my way?? But this is scary thinking. And I'd like to say that I caught myself in this thought process, and immediately scolded myself. Well, I didn't.

But then a funny thing happened. Big Jon taught me a trick or two. In a mad effort to loose the baby weight, I have been spending more free time at the gym. And after a recent ab-kicking workout, came home to find Jon Jon swinging in his swing in the middle of the kitchen, with Poison blaring out of the speakers. Big Jon was smiling away as I walked in and told me that Jon Jon liked it when you sing heavy metal to him. He does?? Really? And Big Jon started dancing around the kitchen singing along to his hair band favorites and Little Jon was smiling away. Then last week Big Jon said, "I have a new song for Jon Jon!!" And he started singing "The Ants Go Marching". Not the Dave Mathews version - the "one by one" version. But not only was he singing it by making up his own lyrics, which was adorable , but he was singing it in his best Count Dracula impression. Priceless. And Jon Jon was loving every minute of it! Then this past weekend, upon returning from the gym, little Jon was napping and Big Jon was widdling away in his workshop. "How was your morning", I asked. "Great! We watched a movie together," big Jon replied. Come again? Not only did they watch a movie together, but it was Predator 2. Not really Disney approved. But he was so happy that he got to spend the morning snuggled up on the couch with his little buddy, how could I deny him this happiness? Even if I've read 28 studies on how TV is bad for a child's development. Isn't the power of tactile closeness also an important part of development?

So maybe he doesn't hold him the same way I do when he feeds a bottle. And maybe he sometimes leaves Jon Jon in his PJs all day, because they "haven't been spit or peed on, so why should we change him?" But he loves his son with all his heart, and would do anything for that little man. And once again, being a parent has taught me a life lesson, and challenged my view in a way that is oh so important. Everyone needs a reminder once in awhile to continue to be humble and open minded, because sometimes Daddies do it different and that's OK.

These are a few of my favorite things....

Babies come with a lot of stuff. As a pregnant new mom, walking into a Babies 'R' Us store is enough to make you hyperventilate and send you into early labor. What the heck is a Boppy? Why are there 30 different kinds of bottles? Do I really need a Diaper Genie? Filling out your baby registry can be a scary experience and by the time you are done you have no idea how you ended up with no less than 40 bibs, 58 onsies, and 10 sets of sheets. Having a baby can certainly be an exercise in excess. But it doesn't have to be. I was really adamant about not letting my home turn into babyland - and have somewhat succeeded. But this only comes from being super picky and not buying everything in sight before the baby comes (very hard to do). Because what you think you need pre-baby, may change drastically post-baby. This is also where having other new mom friends or joining a mom group while you are still pregnant, comes in super handy. Ask lots of advice on what their favorite items were and what were a total waste of money.

These are a few of my most useful and favorite baby products thus far... (in no particular order - because that would tax my mommy brain way too much!)

1. A baby swing. This was not an item I bought before Jon Jon was born. But a Mommy friend of mine offered up hers as a loaner and I was an immediate convert. So much so that I now have two. One upstairs and one downstairs - which is also a travel swing that folds up and can go to grandma's house without too much effort. These are a great place for newborns to nap, a safe place to hold your baby when you can not, and a place they can lounge and play with small toys once their dexterity kicks in.

2. Activity center. If you've been reading my blog already, you know what a fan I am of my Baby Einstein Activity Center. From the time I finally put it together - it is by far his favorite toy! And again, it is a great place to put your baby while you are trying to get a few things done. Granted this is a rather large item and I was skeptical about having it in the middle of my living room. But it is so useful and Jon Jon loves it so much, that it now has a permanent spot. I love the fact that this one has a seat that swivels around, so he can feel he is somewhat control his destiny - and it has a lot of different level toys, that as he becomes more coordinated he can find new things to do.

3. Tivo. Ok - this is not a baby item. But if you have a baby, and you enjoy watching TV, you MUST have Tivo. Never again (unless the baby is sleeping, and sometimes not even then) will you be able to watch your favorite show, uninterrupted, from start to finish. But when you Tivo, you can make better use of your time - no commercials to sit through - and you can be sure that when you do finally have some time to collapse on the couch, you are not stuck watching whatever happens to be on. You can watch American Idol, even if it happens to be 5a.m.

4. Cheap bottles. I registered for Born Free bottles. But when I opened the box, and saw that each bottle had about 5 pieces that needed to be taken apart and put back together every time you filled or washed them, I said "Oh, no. No way." Next time I was at Walmart I bought simple, no fuss, no mess Gerber bottles, and have never looked back. Now, I do realize that some bottles may make certain babies more gassy than others, and Moms may find that these complicated bottle systems are the only way to go. But why not try the simple ones first? Maybe you'll never need anything else. They are also a lot lighter to carry around, and for baby to try and hold. Also, if you leave one somewhere you won't feel so bad about it being out ten bucks.

5. My Bugaboo stroller. I can't say enough great things about this stroller. This is an investment item for sure, and if you can get a few people to go in on one for a gift, even better. But this stroller will most likely be the only stroller you need to buy, saving you money, hassle, and garage space in the long run. From infancy, if you buy the car seat adapter and corresponding car seat, you can take baby from car and into the store or for a walk with a quick snap on the frame. We also used the bassinet portion of this stroller for the first month of Jon Jon's life. We kept it in our bedroom and wheeled him around to the side of bed to who ever was in charge of the next feeding. The seat also pops on and off very easily - so you could really use to double as an infant seat - easily plopping it on the floor or on a table. I could go on and on about this stroller.... not to mention that they look cool and come in all sorts of fun colors!

6. Portable Ipod speakers. When we started our night time routine with Jon Jon at about 6 weeks old, it included listening to a Bach for Babies CD. Then we placed small Ipod/nano speaker dock in his room and it is always cued up to Bach - press one button and you're all set. But this has also been invaluable for traveling. We have done a lot of mini vacations since Jon Jon was born, and this speaker has come everywhere with us. And no matter where he is, in a pack 'n' play or crib, at Grandma's or Nana's, as soon as he hears his favorite Bach tune, he knows its sleepy time. Our player also runs on batteries if needed, and I have used this for long car trips, to give him something familiar to listen to when he starts to get fussy.

Since Jon Jon is on the eve of his 6 month birthday, we'll stop at 6 favorites. I am sure there will still be mistaken purchases in the years to come. But in the current economy, getting the biggest bang for you baby gear buck has never been more important. So bring on the advice! What are your favorite baby items? Looking ahead to months 6-12, what do you think will help us make it through relatively stress free?? Because isn't that really the point of all this stuf?!

From Maine and Back

So we made it back from Maine in one piece... well, almost. After 3 blissful days of fun in the sun, lobsters and cocktails galore, and more croquet than any one person should ever play - Jon Jon got sick for the first time. It started with a runny nose on Sunday that I attributed to the possible start of teething. But after a sleepless night, Jon Jon did another first - he projectile vomited all over me. Then began 2 hours of straight, sad, whimper type crying - the kind that would break any parents heart - until he finally fell asleep.

Under normal circumstances the hypochondriac mother in me would have freaked out - simply because this was Jon Jon's first illness. But being on a remote island where the closest hospital is a helicopter ride away, my mind got away with me. What if he passes out? What if he continues to vomit? What if he has some crazy stomach virus? What if he caught West Nile from the massive amounts of Maine mosquitoes?? Let me tell you, I never felt more helpless in my life. I have heard other mothers say this cliche abut having a sick child - but cliches do start for a reason. To have your child look at you with those sad questioning eyes, as if to say "What is happening mommy? Why do I feel so horrible? Can't you make it stop?" It's enough to make yourself feel sick. So I did what any panicking mother would do - I called my mother-in-law.

Ok, well maybe this wouldn't be every mother's first call, but it was mine. My MIL used be a pediatric nurse - so to say she has some experience with babies, is an understatement. She also has a way of not getting over excited about anything - like I always do. When I called and explained what was going on she simply said, "Aww, baby's got his first cold." Right... a cold. That's all. But I still did not like the fact that we were so very far from home. So we packed ourselves up and caught the next ferry off the island, cutting our vacation a day short.

On the ferry, Jon Jon gave me a few weak smiles, but once he had another bottle his spirits started to perk up. He was still sniffly, and had a runny nose - but I think the shock of it had worn off for him, and like a trooper he flashed me the peace sign to tell me it would all be ok. So crisis averted - we made it home in one piece. But it has not inspired me to want to take any vacations any time soon. Funny how sometimes we work so hard to plan a get-away, especially when you have a child and just want a small escape from the everyday grind. But then there are those moments when you find yourself wishing you could tap your heels, and Dorothy style - be home in a heartbeat. This was one of those times. We had a great time while there, but when you have a sick child, there certainly is No Place Like Home.