Clean Freak

Back in March I wrote about trying to find a balance between being a full-time-all-consumed-mom and still having fun as a woman, and doing girly things like putting on heels and drinking martinis.  Lately I've been trying to find a little more balance between being a housekeeper, *ahem*  I mean housewife and a mom.  When I stopped working to be a full-time mom, I knew that there would be a shift in household responsibilities between Jon and myself.  I knew that more of the everyday chores of keeping a house together would fall on my shoulders.  I expected it and was fine with it.

As a housewife (which lately has become an ugly word) I consider it as part of my "job" to do the grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning and so on.  Yeah, yeah I know this is old fashioned - but it is what it is.  And this is often an ongoing discussion between SAHMs (stay-at-home-moms)  Does your husband help with household responsibilities or do you do it all?   Some say that everything is still 50/50 - after all, taking care of children during the day is a full-time job.  Others, like me, say that they consider it as more of their responsibility now. Honestly, I consider it one of the perks of being a SAHM.  Not that I really enjoy cleaning all that much, but it does give us more free time in the evenings and weekends to spend leisure time as a family.

But how clean is my house? Um yeah, that's the part I can't seem to balance.  There's also an ongoing discussion among moms about keeping a clean house vs. spending time with your kids.  Your kids will only be young once, and who cares about a little dirt - you'll have lots of time to have a clean house later on.  And I love this concept.  In theory.  Because, honestly having a messy house makes me a little batty.      

I was certainly not a neat freak growing up.  I can remember the word "pigsty" used more than once by my mother.  So as someone who did not grow up with any OCD skills, I sometimes have trouble keeping everything in its place.  But having a clutter free environment makes me feel better, so I do my best to spend time each day cultivating my OCDness.  But honestly, it's kind of exhausting.  Especially when you  have a tasmanian devil, a.k.a. toddler, living with you.  I voiced this to Jon one night.  And when I say "voiced", I mean broke down crying that I was so exhausted from trying to keep the house clean all the time and spending time with Jon Jon, and saving energy for him, that I was going to lose my mind, if I did still in fact have it at all.  Jon asked me a good question: "Who are you cleaning the house for? I don't care if the laundry piles up or if there are dishes in the sink.  You should relax about it and try to enjoy your time more with Jon Jon."  Damn you and your good questions.

But he was right.  And so I made myself a promise to do fun stuff everyday with Jon Jon and take advantage of our time together.  We went to the playground more and visited museums.  We spent more time outside just playing together in the yard.  It was great! Until last week when I looked around the house and saw an extra amount of cobwebs lurking in corners, and couldn't find anything in the pantry because it was so disorganized and disastrous. But instead of laughing it off as a part of motherhood, I had a complete meltdown, saying that we were living like pigs and I wanted to sell the house and move back to the city, where apparently cobwebs do not exist.  And then I started cleaning the pantry while still in my slippers and nightgown.

So yeah, balance.  I also just finished reading Eat Pray Love which is all about finding balance.  But that lady gets to travel the world looking for balance, without husband, house, or child; so forgive me if I don't totally relate.  Needless to say, I'm still working it out.  And I'm pretty sure that I won't get any pity or empathy from working moms; even less from single moms.  And I wouldn't ask for it either.  You girls are whole other category of Supermom.  But when you have left your "career" you try to find other places to feel pride and accomplishment.  Keeping a spotless house was where I went, and it wasn't fun to feel like I was doing a crap job sometimes.

So wrap it up, Hillary.  Do you have a moral here?  Not sure that I do.  I have taken some pressure off myself to be the "perfect" housewife.  The image I used to have of being June Cleaver, or maybe now Betty Draper, is fading.  Apparently it is not so easy to keep a house, take care of a child, and still have dinner on the table at night, all while wearing pearls.  Maybe I should scrap the rest and wear my pearls everyday.  Thats sounds a whole hell of a lot easier.