Here's what you missed...

I haven't written since October.  And here's why:

Halloween.
Thanksgiving.
Christmas.
Jon Jon's 2nd Birthday. (what?!?!?!?)
Vacation. Ahhhh.
Learned how to make decorated cookies.
Became obsessed with decorated cookies.
Forgot I even had a blog once.
Guilt kicks in on never finishing projects I start... attempt new blog post.

And that's what you missed on Ponytails and Slippers.
(just like a soap opera - you could not watch it for 6 months and not really miss a thing.)

Where There's an App There's a Way

So, if you know me, you know I just recently got my first iPhone.  I was somewhat familiar with it's capabilities from family and friends who have already been using one, but seriously - this thing is freakin' amazing! I am declaring it the new Mother's Helper.  Here's how my iPhone gets me through the day...

6:30am Alarm goes off.  I think about getting out of bed to sneak in a work out before Jon Jon wakes up.  I hit snooze.

7:15 Jon Jon and I snuggle on the couch watching Chuggington.  I slyly check my emails, the weather, and some news headlines because actually watching Chuggington is a little hard to take.

7:25 Jon Jon realizes I'm looking at my phone and he starts pointing at it yelling "Meow! Meow! Meow!"  Jon Jon wants to play with the kitty, a.k.a. the Talking Tom cat app.  So we talk to the kitty for about 15 minutes and make him purr, or Jon Jon's favorite, make him fart.  But the cool thing about this app is that Tom the cat repeats everything you say, so Jon Jon has fun saying all his favorite words to Tom and giggles when he says them back.

8:30  Jon Jon is still in his PJ's with his super cute new slippers on, so I snap a pic and quickly email it out to Daddy at work, and Grandma and Grandpa.

9:00 I make a shopping list in the notes section of my phone.  I'm great at making shopping lists, but awful about remembering to take them with me to the store.  But I am very good at taking my phone everywhere I go - so, voila! I even get super OCD at the store by erasing each thing as I put it in my cart, because I'm also good at forgetting things, even when they are written down in front of me.

11:00  While at Walmart I use my RedLaser app to scan the barcode of some screen protectors I want to buy, only to find out I can buy it for half the price online! Moms love to save money! (More money for facials!)

12:30 I use the My Fitness Pal app to record my calorie intake so far for the day.  I have 9 more pounds to lose to reach my goal weight (note - this is not baby weight - this is married weight! Damn you fabulous husband and your need to eat dinner every night! :)  And can I also mention that it is near impossible to only eat 1200 calories a day!!! Geez!!!!!! But this app is seriously easy to use, and it has over 400,000 foods preloaded with calorie and nutritional value making it a snap.

1:30  Jon Jon is napping so I decide to park it on the couch for a little bit and play some Words With Friends, an interactive scrabble game.  I've never been very good at Scrabble, but I have found this to be highly addictive.  And you do learn some new vocabulary... who knew that "qi" was an actual word?! Maybe one day I learn what it means.

Did I mention that I have used my Facebook app at least 10 times by now?

5:00 Time to start thinking about what to make for dinner as I stare at a package of chicken breast and wonder how to make it fabulous.  Enter the Epicurious app.  Using the "low calorie" filter, I have my answer: Farfalle w/ Chicken, tomatoes, caramelized onions and goat cheese. MMMMM.

6:00 Dinner is cooking and Jon Jon, Jon and I have a dance party using my Pandora app.  I highly recommend making an "I've Got a Feeling" channel. Woop woop!

9:00 Jon Jon is fast asleep and Jon and I relaxing in front of the TV, watching some old movie that has an actress about which I keep saying "What is she from??!!!"  Not being able to take the guessing game any more, you guessed it, I use my IMDB app to look up the movie and the actress and satisfy my curiosity.  Yay! I can sleep now.

9:30 Play a little more Words With Friends and then decide to call it a day.

Oh, wait.  Must check Facebook one more time...

And to think I've only had my iPhone for 2 weeks.  How did I ever live without it?

Relax. It's only parenting.

They say that being a parent will teach you many of life's important lessons; patience being at the top of the list.  But I guess it's an ongoing lesson, because I'm still working at it.

Jon Jon has been a little late to do everything - well all the big stuff.  He was late to crawl, late to walk, late to talk, heck the kid was even late coming out of the womb! Clearly he is not in a big hurry to do anything. Some people have told me he seems like an old soul, so maybe if he's done it all before, he's not in a great rush to get it done again.  Who knows. And I shouldn't say he's "late" - he's on his own schedule, which according to my pediatrician and 27 different parenting books, is just fine.  So why do I worry?  Well I'm a Mom - isn't that my job? And I kind of feel like Jon Jon knows it and is playing some cruel joke on me, seeing just how far he can push.  It's like, just when I feel like I've reached my breaking point of frustration, or worry, he performs like a circus pony and eases all my fears.

So now that I've been through a few cycles of I-had-nothing-to-worry-about-in-the-first-place lessons, why can't I relax?  I wonder if all moms are this way.  Maybe because he's my only, and has all my focus, it's easy to sit and obsess over everything little thing he is or isn't doing.  I wonder once he has mastered all the basics like running, jumping, talking, putting his cup on the table when he's done with it instead of throwing it on the floor, etc... what will I worry about next?  Will he make friends at school?  How is he reading? Will he be the last player picked for kickball? And will the girls like him? Ok, I can see that this worrying will never end, it will just get more complicated.

I have gotten a little better.  I don't check the "should be doing....will probably be doing...may even possibly be doing" lists in my What To Expect book as much as I used to.  I try hard not compare him to the other kids in his playgroup - being slightly grateful that there is no one his exact age, making the comparisons less relevant.  I am learning that worry and impatience often doesn't get you anywhere faster, and having some patience can possibly make the journey a little sweeter.  Last night Jon Jon was having trouble getting to sleep, so I laid down with him in bed, letting him fall asleep on my chest.  It hit me hard that he was only going to be little once, and I should soak it all in while I can.  And I said a little thank you to him for teaching me once again, to stop and smell the roses.

Clean Freak

Back in March I wrote about trying to find a balance between being a full-time-all-consumed-mom and still having fun as a woman, and doing girly things like putting on heels and drinking martinis.  Lately I've been trying to find a little more balance between being a housekeeper, *ahem*  I mean housewife and a mom.  When I stopped working to be a full-time mom, I knew that there would be a shift in household responsibilities between Jon and myself.  I knew that more of the everyday chores of keeping a house together would fall on my shoulders.  I expected it and was fine with it.

As a housewife (which lately has become an ugly word) I consider it as part of my "job" to do the grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning and so on.  Yeah, yeah I know this is old fashioned - but it is what it is.  And this is often an ongoing discussion between SAHMs (stay-at-home-moms)  Does your husband help with household responsibilities or do you do it all?   Some say that everything is still 50/50 - after all, taking care of children during the day is a full-time job.  Others, like me, say that they consider it as more of their responsibility now. Honestly, I consider it one of the perks of being a SAHM.  Not that I really enjoy cleaning all that much, but it does give us more free time in the evenings and weekends to spend leisure time as a family.

But how clean is my house? Um yeah, that's the part I can't seem to balance.  There's also an ongoing discussion among moms about keeping a clean house vs. spending time with your kids.  Your kids will only be young once, and who cares about a little dirt - you'll have lots of time to have a clean house later on.  And I love this concept.  In theory.  Because, honestly having a messy house makes me a little batty.      

I was certainly not a neat freak growing up.  I can remember the word "pigsty" used more than once by my mother.  So as someone who did not grow up with any OCD skills, I sometimes have trouble keeping everything in its place.  But having a clutter free environment makes me feel better, so I do my best to spend time each day cultivating my OCDness.  But honestly, it's kind of exhausting.  Especially when you  have a tasmanian devil, a.k.a. toddler, living with you.  I voiced this to Jon one night.  And when I say "voiced", I mean broke down crying that I was so exhausted from trying to keep the house clean all the time and spending time with Jon Jon, and saving energy for him, that I was going to lose my mind, if I did still in fact have it at all.  Jon asked me a good question: "Who are you cleaning the house for? I don't care if the laundry piles up or if there are dishes in the sink.  You should relax about it and try to enjoy your time more with Jon Jon."  Damn you and your good questions.

But he was right.  And so I made myself a promise to do fun stuff everyday with Jon Jon and take advantage of our time together.  We went to the playground more and visited museums.  We spent more time outside just playing together in the yard.  It was great! Until last week when I looked around the house and saw an extra amount of cobwebs lurking in corners, and couldn't find anything in the pantry because it was so disorganized and disastrous. But instead of laughing it off as a part of motherhood, I had a complete meltdown, saying that we were living like pigs and I wanted to sell the house and move back to the city, where apparently cobwebs do not exist.  And then I started cleaning the pantry while still in my slippers and nightgown.

So yeah, balance.  I also just finished reading Eat Pray Love which is all about finding balance.  But that lady gets to travel the world looking for balance, without husband, house, or child; so forgive me if I don't totally relate.  Needless to say, I'm still working it out.  And I'm pretty sure that I won't get any pity or empathy from working moms; even less from single moms.  And I wouldn't ask for it either.  You girls are whole other category of Supermom.  But when you have left your "career" you try to find other places to feel pride and accomplishment.  Keeping a spotless house was where I went, and it wasn't fun to feel like I was doing a crap job sometimes.

So wrap it up, Hillary.  Do you have a moral here?  Not sure that I do.  I have taken some pressure off myself to be the "perfect" housewife.  The image I used to have of being June Cleaver, or maybe now Betty Draper, is fading.  Apparently it is not so easy to keep a house, take care of a child, and still have dinner on the table at night, all while wearing pearls.  Maybe I should scrap the rest and wear my pearls everyday.  Thats sounds a whole hell of a lot easier.

The Not So Friendly Skies

"Excuse me.  Is there anything you can do about him?"

"If I knew, don't you think I'd be doing it??"

"Did you bring anything to help him sleep?"

"You know, I forgot my Ambien at home."

"Well, is he going to scream like that for the next 7 hours?"

"I don't know.  Are you going to be ugly for the next 7 hours? Because I'm pretty sure there's nothing we can do about that either."

In my head, this is how the conversation went when the lady sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder, 45 minutes into our 8 hour flight coming back from France.  In actuality, she said all those same things, and I sat stunned and only managed to mumble an "I'm sorry," as Jon Jon squirmed and screamed in my lap.  The good news, is that soon after this, Jon Jon took a nap and proceeded to be as well behaved as you could ever expect an 18 month-old to be on such a long flight.  3 weeks prior on our flight over to France, I can't same the same thing.

We had been anticipating this vacation for over a year.  It was my parents 40th wedding anniversary and they had decided to go big, and rent an amazing castle in France and invite friends and family to join them in the experience.  I was excited, of course, to be able to go on this trip, especially for all 3 weeks.  But anytime someone brought up our upcoming trip, all I could say was, "I hope I survive the flight."  Because of work, Jon was only able to join us for 9 days of the trip, so we decided to take our babysitter, Katie, to help with Jon Jon.  As the flight took-off from Boston, Jon Jon was super excited and watched out the window as the ground disappeared.  But he soon began to get squirmy, and I busted out the DVD player.

He let me put his little earphones on, and sat quietly for about 1/2 an hour.  This isn't so bad, I thought.  Those were the only peaceful 30 minutes of the flight.  I tried everything to help Jon Jon go to sleep.  We put his pajamas on, read his favorite nighttime books, and gave him his favorite stuffed animal, Panda, and his blankie to snuggle.  But he was just too excited to settle down.  Then, he puked.  Fear number one, check.  Katie and I tried to strip him of his clothes without getting puke on ourselves.  We wiped him down with baby wipes, and sadly had to wrap his PJ's, blankie and panda in a plastic bag.  So much for the bedtime routine.

Not too long after, Jon Jon pooped.  Fear number two, check.  And not a neat little poop, but a nice and messy one.  Have you ever seen what they call a "changing table" on an airplane?  Airplane bathrooms are barely big enough for an adult to use, but they had this fold down plastic shelf that you're supposed to put your baby on.  Yeah, right.  So there's Katie and I both crammed into the bathroom with Jon Jon standing on the "changing table", banging his head on the slanted ceiling, as we did our best to clean up the mess.  I joked with Katie that we would be forever bonded as people are when they've been through a traumatic experience together.

I tried every trick in my suitcase to keep him happy - new toys, stickers, books, more movies - but Jon Jon was now too overtired to even function.  As we got close to Madrid - our layover point - it was about 2 am EST and Jon Jon still had not slept.  He began crying and screaming and didn't stop until we got off the plane.  I am sure there were people plotting our death, and shooting us dirty looks, but I was beyond caring and just trying to get through it.  I remembered the advice a friend gave about flying with small children, she wisely told me, you just have to know that it's going to be awful, but it will end eventually, and you will all survive.

When we landed in Madrid, and I placed a sweaty and delirious Jon Jon into his stroller, he was asleep in about 5 seconds.  At that point I had pretty much decided that I would call Jon at home and tell him to send the rest of our belongings to France, as there was no way in hell I was getting back on a plane and we would now make France our permanent residence.

Our vacation was amazing, stupendous, fantabulous, and then some.  And as our flight home grew closer, I worked hard to not dwell on the idea that it was possible for things to be even worse.  So when that "lady" tapped me on the shoulder at the start of our journey home, I knew it would be a rough ride.  But miraculously it wasn't.  In fact the only other dirty look we received was when Jon Jon was laughing too loud.  Seriously people, get over it.

Am I eager to jump on a plane anytime soon?   No.  Am I the only mom to ever have a horrible experience with a toddler on a plane.  NO!  But I do feel a little more confident as a mom who can possibly "handle it."  Terrible twos? Temper tantrums? Bring it on.  I've been through an international boot camp and am ready for you.

Peas, Tank you & 'Cuse Me

Now that Jon Jon is the ripe old age of 17 months, and practically running, there's been a definite shift in our activities as of late.  Finally having a child who is confident on their 2 feet has opened up a whole new world of adventures.  It has also led us to begin the discovery of toddler etiquette training.  I've always been vaguely aware of parental sounds bites such as, "sharing is caring", "say thank you to the nice lady", "say you're sorry to the little boy who's face you just threw sand in."  But I never really payed attention to these things until just recently.

Almost all of the children Jon Jon regularly plays with are a bit older than him, so we've had a nice glimpse of the future through our friends.  I watch as other Moms reenforce please and thank yous, excuse me, sorry, and he had it first so you need to give it back and get your own toy.  Jon Jon has always been the baby, and no one ever really expected him to understand how to share, and neither did he really get upset if someone took his toy.  And at the playground, Jon Jon toddles around going where ever he pleases, with no regard to what may, or may not, be his turn on the slide, etc.  I hear other moms say to their children, "Watch out for the baby!"  And I have started to hear myself say things like, "We go up the stairs and down the slide."  It sort of stops me in my track.  I have a child that is old enough to understand this stuff? Yep, I guess I do.

The other day at the playground, I heard one mom talking to another about the fact that she was trying not to hover so much over her child while he played, to boost his confidence.  Ooo, that was a new concept to me.  Am I hovering? But if I don't, he'll fall down the stairs! But soon... I'll have to let him fall down and pick himself back up. Right?  Isn't that part of the learning process.

All of this etiquette awareness has really made me aware of the fact that I am now starting to truly shape Jon Jon as a person.  Together, we mastered the basic survival skills of feeding, crawling, and then walking.  Now it's all about, communication, understanding, emotions, and independence.  He needs me in so many new ways, it's strange sometimes.  Almost makes me feel like even more of a parent than I did in his first year.  I am also more aware of how much he is watching me, taking in and even copying my behaviors.  In many ways it has made me a better person.  I find myself saying please and thank you more, being nicer to grocery store cashiers, and just all around trying to exhibit kinder behavior.

So Thank You Jon Jon, yet again you have taught me some good life lessons.

You Know You're a Mom When...

Ever have one of those moments where you catch yourself off guard and think, "Geez, I'm such a mom!"  And maybe when you have this realization, you hate it, love it, or a combination of both.  Or maybe you just shake your head and think, "When did this happen to me???!"  Here are some of my "Mom" moments... maybe you can relate.

1. You always have snacks.

2.  Your child starts to spit up and you instinctively try to catch it with your bare hand.

3.  Running out of laundry detergent is one of your biggest fears in life.

4.  When in a parking lot with a "shopping with child" spot, you look to see if the car parked there has a car seat in the back.

5.  You start having a "place for everything" in your house and get mad when your husband does not put things back in their place.

6.  You read ingredients labels thoroughly.

7.  As cars go whizzing by your house, you wonder who you could bribe with homemade cookies to get one of those Slow Children At Play signs... maybe even one of those weird little plastic men holding a caution flag.

8.  You look at your living room and see plastic toys. Everywhere.  And they are all making noise at once.

9.  Going out to dinner with your husband is now called "Date Night," and going out with friends is "Girls Night Out."

10.  All of your outlets have plastic covers that even you can't get off.

11.  When arriving at a restaurant you start yelling "CHICKEN FINGER KIDS MEAL" to any waitress who will listen.

12.  Your expensive purses are now works of art you display on doorknobs as relics of the past.

13.  You don't give dirty looks to the woman who's kid is screaming on an airplane.

14.  You now carry antibacterial wipes everywhere you go.

15.  Mickey Mouse is not so annoying anymore.

16.  You find yourself signing the Handy Manny theme song... when you are alone.

17.  Someone says: "Well, you're a mom...." And you don't turn around to see who they're talking to.

18.  You have trouble having a focused conversation with someone because you have a small but cute distraction pulling constantly at your pant legs.

19.  Having your teeth cleaned seems like a nice idea when you remember that you can lay down at your  appointment.

20.  You know without question that you would do anything and everything for your child.

Balancing Act

So I've been a super busy mom lately. Of course if you're a mom and not busy, you're probably doing it wrong (or incredibly right).  I went away the past 2 weekends for some fun and R&R of two totally different kinds.  First I flew down to D.C. for my sister-in-law's bachelorette party; 3 fun filled nights of pure girl time.  We ate, we drank, we shopped, we spa'd, we lounged around watching movies... did I mention we drank? ... we did everything that I no longer do much of being a stay-at-home-mom living in rural Connecticut.

It was a great group of girls, of which only a few were moms.  And I realized that it had been awhile since I spent much time with women who were not also mothers.  My mom group is great, don't get me wrong, and we definitely get out for much needed drinks or dinner on a regular occasion.  But the conversation does often turn to the subject of our kids.  But when you are hanging out with a group of women that the majority do not have kids, the conversation never really turns to children.  It's probably a good thing I didn't  think about this before we went, I would have been nervous that I would have nothing to add to the conversation.  But miraculously I managed to have thoughts and opinions that didn't revolve around my 14 month old son.

Being a mom, especially a stay-at-home-mom, and really especially a mom who blogs about being a mom, can make you feel like you have no other parts of yourself that don't involve being a mom.  But there were so many other great topics of conversation! By the end of the weekend, our most memorable  conversations  revolved around SNL skits, my SIL's neighbor named Putter Johnson, and the Twilight series - not the most intellectual of topics, but wow did we laugh.

Then this past weekend, big Jon, little Jon and I went to visit his Mom and Step-father at their house in New Hampshire.  We always have a great time when visiting NH, and this weekend was no different.  Food, drink and fun are always flowing, and we have nothing we need to worry about other than relaxing and enjoying the company.  I loved being able to spend so much time with my little Jon Jon without all the other responsibilities of every day life.  No one expected me to cook, or clean, and do anything other than hang out.  And so I did.  I got to play blocks, and cars, and practice walking and practice climbing stairs with my little man.  I gave him my undivided attention.  It was such a treat to be able to focus just on being a mom and nothing else.  Quite a difference from my previous weekend.

Having these 2 mini-vacations so close together, reminded me of how important it is to find balance as a mom.  Do I want to spend every weekend getting dressed up and heading out on all night martini-fests? No.  But I also don't want to spend every waking moment thinking about nothing other than my son.  I guess the key is how to find balance in your everyday life.  Mom's are always giving of themselves to their family, taking time for yourself so often goes on the back burner.  Obviously this is not a new concept to anyone - there's probably an article in every Parenting magazine on finding balance in your life.  But lately I've been really getting it.  Am I finding balance on an everyday basis? No.  But I'm aiming for it, and I think it's great goal for any mom to have.

My One and Only

There are inevitable moments in life.  As soon as you finish your trek down the aisle, people will ask, "When are you going to have a baby?!"  And as soon as you finally have one, they ask, "When are you going to have another??!"  Geez!! I just popped one out for you as soon as I could! Can I have a break please to do a few sit-ups and let my boobs deflate?

But what if your answer to this second question is, "Never." Well, that's me.

When Jon and I got married we had already had the "what kind of family do we want" talk.  (I highly recommend doing this before you recite your vows, just makes for a smoother marriage.)  We were surprisingly on the same page, we both only wanted one child.  I am an only child.  So only having one child myself, does not seem strange to me.  I had a very happy childhood. Love my parents, always have, and loved growing up in our tight knit family.  I have asked my mother on many an occasion why they chose to only have one child.  Her response has unwaveringly been, "We wanted a blond, blue-eyed girl named Hillary; and there you were.  Our family was complete."  Can't really argue with that.

Sure I grew up hearing all the only child stereotypes: spoiled, self-centered, and bossy.  I don't believe I grew up spoiled in a materialistic way, but I do believe I was spoiled in love and attention.  I was the only child of very doting parents.  Oh the tragedy! I never really yearned for siblings, I was used to the status quo.  I believe being an only child gave me self-confidence, and showed me how to be self-reliant.  It really irks me when I tell people I am an only child and they immediately give me a pitying look and say how sad I must have been growing up.  Why?! I had no one to fight with, and had all my parents love and attention for myself.  Poor, poor me.  The other reaction I often get it, wow - you're so normal! I had a very funny conversation with someone recently where we joked that I was a "highly functioning" only child.

Now I fully admit that when hanging out with other parents of young, only-children, I will ask, "Are planning on having more?"  And when their answers are that they are not sure, I will often offer up the info that I myself am an only child.  This always brings a new excitement to the conversation.  They seem to see me in a new light, sizing me up for normalcy, and character flaws.  They will ask about my childhood and my views on my lack of siblings.  I sort of become this spokesperson for only children. I'd like to think I can put them at ease a little, and make it OK for them to chose to have a small family and be happy with it.

As to why I only want one child?   Well, there are many reasons... I enjoyed it myself, so why not?  I don't ever want to be pregnant again, or do that annoying thing called labor.  (Moms of large families everywhere are at this point calling me selfish for sure!)  I want to be able to give everything I can, emotionally, and financially to my one and only.   I want to be able to do things that I feel might logistically be impossible with a large family.  But above all... it just feels right.  As much as many people feel passionate about their wants for a large family, I feel passionate about my wants for my small one.

I think it's unfortunate that people who choose to have one child are often chastised.  I have also heard it said that having only one child does not qualify you as a parent, because you never have to deal with, "Mine!!!" or "Stop touching me!!!!"  Um, isn't that a perk? I still feel like a full fledged parent, maybe even one who hangs on to a little more of her sanity.  If you are an only child or are thinking of only having one child, but don't enjoy the stigma, here's some info for your arsenal: guess who else was an only child?? Robin Williams, Rudy Giuliani, Leonardo da Vinci, Elvis Presley, Mahatma Gandhi, Barbra Streisand, John Lennon, Robert De Niro, Frank Sinatra... the list goes on and on.  Now, that's a group I don't mind being a part of.

Mommy Miracles

There are certain events in Motherhood that make you believe miracles can happen.

1. You, your child, and your house are all clean on the same day.

2. You leave the house on time.

3. While reading What to Expect books, your child has a skill that falls in to the "may even be able to" category.

4. You actually find a play group where the other mothers don't annoy the crap out of you.

5. Your child plays quietly by themselves for 30 straight minutes.

6. You complete the Mommy Triathlon of grocery store, bank, and post office in the same day, without crying.

7. Your husband gets all the poopy diapers in your weekend diaper rotation.

8.  Your babysitter is available when you call her at 5pm on a desperate Saturday night.

9. The pediatricians office is running on time.

10. Your child eats something green.

11. Silence.

12. The baby weight is gone.

13. Your birth plan goes off without a hitch. (um, yeah right)

14. Your baby latches on like a pro.

15. Girl's Night Out.

16. Spontaneous sex.

17. Triple Paste is buy one get one free.

18. You say, "Hey look at that new tooth! I had no idea it was coming!"

19. While out for the day, your child's diaper leaks and you actually have an emergency outfit, and that outfit is not 2 sizes too small.

20. Nap time.

The beauty of motherhood though, is that even if none of these events ever happen, you still believe in miracles every time you look at your little angel.