There's been a lot on my mind lately, and it's probably been on yours too. If you haven't heard about Swine flu at this point, well maybe your stuck under a pig somewhere. As a mom, this pandemic takes on a whole new layer, when you are not only looking out for yourself, but your little ones too. For me, I have been expending a lot of effort not only trying to avoid the Swine flu, but also debating whether or not to get Jon Jon vaccinated.
My first instincts were not to vaccinate Jon Jon, citing all the usual possible vaccine cons... it is too new, it hasn't been properly tested, and there are too many possible side effects. I hadn't planned on giving him the seasonal flu shot either. With Jon Jon home with me, I felt that his risks of exposure were low, and didn't warrant vaccination. I also saw first hand one of the possible flu shot side effects when my Grandmother was hit by Guillain-Barre syndrome, after receiving a flu shot. This sickness attacks the nervous system and paralyses a person - most make a full recovery, but it takes time and lots of physical therapy. Even though it is a one-in-a-million risk, when you see it in front of you, it leaves an impression, to say the least.
But as summer turned to fall, and there were more cases of Swine flu reported, and the media coining it a "young person's sickness", I started to get nervous. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I should sign up to get Jon Jon vaccinated. I asked family members their opinions. I asked mommy friends theirs. Hell, I even asked our plumber his opinion! And everyone had something different to say, and all were valid points. I heard more than once, "I don't think you can make a wrong decision, you just have to do what you're comfortable with." Well, what if I'm not comfortable with any of it?
I have spent lots of time reading internet articles on the topic, and had multiple discussions with my husband, and close family members. I was kind of surprised that no one was giving me a clear answer as to what to do. And certainly the one who it affected the most, wasn't giving me any answers.... little Jon Jon completely oblivious to the hours of debate revolving around his well being. I kind of just wanted someone to tell me what to do, make the decision for me. But I guess this is the part of being a parent that makes people say, "being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have."
As the nightly news got progressively worse, and Facebook status's everywhere were building into a Swine flu vaccination frenzy, I made a call to my pediatrician. What I not so quickly learned, as I was put on hold multiple times, was that there was a waiting list for the H1N1 vaccine and we would be number 113. Well, if nothing else, it gives us some more time to get comfortable with our decision.
Once more I have been shown how being a parent is "hard", in ways that I hadn't fully expected. Yes, I obviously knew I would ultimately be responsible for many medical decisions involving my son. I started doing this the day I found out I was pregnant. But until you're there, you don't really get it. This innocent and loving child is fully dependent on me to make major decisions for him - and here I am forced to make decisions without feeling 100% confident in my actions. What a scary place to be. Talking it over with my own mother, who clearly has a lot more experience than me, reminded me that there would be a million difficult decisions to make in Jon Jon's future... like when to allow him to sleep over a friends house, or let him take the car alone for the first time. Hmm. This is going to be hard.
So I guess the moral of my story is, there are hard decisions to be made when it comes to parenting. But if you are struggling with a parenting decision, I applaud you. Because ultimately it means that you love your child, and isn't that what it's all about.
Posts
